


Spartan

by scriptingSouls



Category: Free!
Genre: AU, Haru is lost, I have no idea what that ship is called, I promise, I swear its for the sake of the plot, M/M, Makoto was kidnapped as a kid, The guys were devastated, but I swear it's not as angsty as it seems, everyone is rich, haru is rich, i suck, it mentions reigisa and kisumixasahi, it starts dark and sad, nothing graphic though, sigh, the plot is bad but not as bad as it sounds, they grew apart never to recover again, until he meets a strange handosme homeless kid, warning: implied non con attempt, warning: mentions of underage prostitution, who has Makoto's eyes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-17 01:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3509588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scriptingSouls/pseuds/scriptingSouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Revised, edited] <br/>Makoto disappears while he was on holidays with his family and the guys, at age 12.<br/>His body is found 3 months Later. <br/>The group is shattered, Rin goes to Australia, Nagisa drowns himself studying and Haru quits swimming. </p><p>Years later, at 17, Haru meets Mako's eyes again, but on the last person he expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**PROLOGUE**

 

It was the end of the summer after their first relay together as a team.

Makoto’s parents had an annual tradition of spending two weeks at some peaceful resort with its own private beach. They always took Haru with them, that year however; Nagisa and Rin were coming along as well.

It was just a few weeks before they were to officially become middle schoolers, and with Rin’s departure to Australia around the corner, the pending goodbye hung in the air with an undeniable weight. Makoto had broken character and actually begged his parents to let him invite his new friends. Spending so much time with Rin seemed to have rubbed off some sappy romanticism on Makoto, for he was soon also begging Haru to help him make wonderful memories, so they could see Rin off with smiles and their very best wishes, instead of regret.

It had almost been a good idea.

 _Almost_.

 

“Let’s play soccer down at the beach!” The ocean had been closed for swimming and they were all bored out of their minds, so after brainstorming for a while, Rin picked up a ball and finally proposed a solution, probably feeling proud with himself. 

“No thanks” Haru had been cranky since he was told he had to stay away from his precious water, that had been three days ago and counting. What was the point of having a piece of ocean to yourself if you couldn’t swim in it? Dangerous tides be damned.

“Come on Haru-chan please! Please” Nagisa hung himself from his neck and was jumping up and down and begging like an overexcited puppy. He heard Makoto letting out a quiet giggle next to him. Haru sent a glare his way.

“I think it’s a good idea” was all the brunet had to say in his defense. Haru tsked, he had no choice but to go now. He would much rather spend the day soaking at the pool of the hotel, even if it was full of noisy children.

 

They played for about an hour but Rin’s competitiveness and Haru’s dark mood hadn’t exactly amounted to a good combination, and soon after a few frustrated draws the atmosphere had turned sour.

Haru knew he was being insufferable but he couldn’t help it, Rin already got on his nerves on a good day, and today was not a good day.

“Come on Haru you’re not even trying anymore” That stupid grin on his friend’s face made his blood boil.

Nagisa and Makoto had given up and were just barely attempting to catch the ball, both probably wondering why they even bothered playing anymore.

Haru used all of his anger and frustration to fuel his last kick to the ball, not pass Rin and into the imaginary goal arch mind you, but directly at him.

It was childish he knew, but it was too late, Rin was already down… lying on the sand clutching his stomach, eyes shooting daggers at Haru.

“You bastard” he growled before he stood up set on returning the favor.

His anger - unlike Haru’s - far from giving momentum to his skills, made them run uncontrolled, and while the force and speed of the ball were remarkable, little good it did when it missed Haru by a long shot and flew right into some trees by the hotel.

Haru smirked despite his inner voice telling him to stop being such a jerk. He regretted it when he heard the reproach in Makoto’s voice as he uttered his name.

“Haru…” eyes flashed that familiar look of disappointment he dreaded so much, he couldn’t help to gulp involuntarily. “I’ll go find the ball” the brunet added with a sigh.

“I’ll go with you Mako-chan!” Offered his blond junior, voice full of sympathy.

“No, you stay and make sure they don’t end up throwing punches at each other, I’ll be right back” Makoto sent another “scolding mother” look his and Rin’s way, which made both of them lower their heads in defeat. And with that the taller boy turned around, off in the direction of the trees.

He felt offended Makoto would think they would really resort to throwing punches… he wasn’t _that_ childish.

Haru let himself drop to the sand, hoping Makoto couldn’t find the ball; he didn’t want to play anymore. He heard Rin huffing and dropping to the sand with a loud thump behind him as well, ha! such a drama queen. He followed Makoto’s back with his eyes until it disappeared among the trees…

 

 Makoto never did find the ball, nor did he ever return.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok second chapter of this abomination that started as a dream and a friend forced me to write. 
> 
> (I'm looking at you, yes you. *glares* ) 
> 
> It's barely proof read so beware of grammatical horrors hidden along the shitty writing.

 

His driver, Goro, was sick

He had texted Haru saying he wouldn’t be able to drive him to school two days ago. He told the boy he would send a replacement but Haru refused. He didn’t know why he had to have a driver in the first place, his parents trusted him enough to live on his own but not to get to school every day? Well… they were right. He skipped the day before and soaked in his bath instead, and if it wasn’t because he had no one to ask for notes he wouldn’t bother to leave his bathtub all day again.

Senior year of school was right around the corner so it couldn’t be helped, he had to go to school, if only to get his parents off his back. It’s not like he cared about graduating, there was nothing he wanted to do after high school, he had no goals and dreams like Rin did, he had found no reason to move on like Nagisa had. It was a shame. It was a shame life was wasted on him instead of…

He supposed he had no choice but to take the train, he rarely did but it wasn’t like he didn’t know how to use it, he just rather not to make use of that knowledge, especially at rush hour. He hated his personal space being invaded and he hated high concentrations of people, especially on packed places… Maybe he should stop questioning Goro's purpose in his life.

Getting off at his school's stop he paused to take a deep breath. He had to admit, for a second he had felt true panic thinking he would die squashed by the ominous mass of people that seemed to run over everything that dared cross its path. You either learned to swim the horde, became one with the flow of bodies pushing forward, or got trampled to death by it.

Sadly -or gladly- Haru was only built for swimming in water.

Checking his clock he discovered that yes, he was in fact already late for his first lesson; he didn’t bother to pick up the pace, what for? He was going to get reprimanded anyway. He stole one last glance at the giant tin worm that took off behind his back, it seemed to be reminding him that he hadn’t won yet, it wasn’t over and it would try to eat him again on his way home later that day. He gulped… he wasn’t scared of dying but… being crushed to death… it didn’t seem a good way to go 

_There are much worse ways though_

The treacherous voice in his head reminded him, almost like a vile whisper, bringing back memories that he had no business revisiting so early in the morning. Why was his mind so dead set on torturing him?  At least school didn’t seem so bad anymore…

 

As soon as he set a foot in class he regretted that thought. Their teacher had decided it was a good day to remind them they had little over a year until they would graduate and that they should be thinking of the future, for they were almost adults now, and apparently that’s what adults do: worry about things they can’t control.

The way she said it, with sparkles in her eyes, as if she was talking about some magical occurrence that was about to happen in their lives made him scoff. “Growing up”, he never understood why people thought it was any good. You are born, you are a child, you think life is colorful and bright and full of possibilities and then you grow up and you realize it’s not. You age, you work and then you die.

_That’s not true though, not everyone ages before they died._

He couldn’t fight the unwanted reminder this time, nor the vivid image of a black coffin that would forever be ingrained in his mind; it was small, so small that Haru never understood how his friend could fit inside.

 _That’s right_ , he thought, there was nothing good about growing up, just a dawning realization of what kind of world you live in

After Makoto disappeared, Nagisa, Rin and Haru searched for him until their legs quivered, though exhaustion wasn’t the cause. Insults were exchanged, fingers were pointed and words were uttered that they would never be able to take back. It didn’t matter, it didn’t absolve any of them and it didn’t bring Makoto back.

They finally told the Tachibanas, who told the police, who searched for the lost ball and the boy with the upturn eyebrows and the gentle smile just as hard as they did; they found the ball, but not a sign of Makoto.

 Haru’s dad was just rising in the world of politics at the time, he had never cared much for it but he thought maybe it would finally be useful for something other than keeping his parents away from home for long periods of time. It seemed his dad thought it could be useful too, Makoto’s disappearance that was, it made for a good campaign apparently. He appeared on tv a lot, promised to return his son’s best friend to his parents side, just empty words.

 A ransom was the hypothesis the police worked with from the start, and they all waited impatiently for a phone call that never happened. He didn’t understand. If they wanted money in exchange for Makoto, what were they waiting for? But that didn’t seem to be the case, and Haru, for the life of him, couldn’t understand why else would someone want to take a young boy away. He could have spent all his life not understanding, stayed a naïve - however brokenhearted- kid, who thought monsters only belonged to his grandma’s ghost tales; but time is not forgiving, and with time comes knowledge.

_So what good is there to growing up when it means realizing just what the fate of your best friend was?_

He was in dire need of water.

He ended up staying at the school's pool long after everyone else had left. He also ended up swimming faster and more aggressively than he was comfortable with. It was pointless; he would never be able to outswim intrusive thoughts, only a stubborn fool would ever bother to try.

His mind was sick and his mind was twisted, insisting on digging up his friend’s corpse every now and then, defiling his grave and disrupting his slumber without a shred of respect. Despite how much Haru wished to honor the boy, in his head, in his memories, Makoto would never rest in peace.

Muscles sore and breath ragged, his body ached after he was done punishing it. He could feel disgust and anger building up in his stomach. Water was not meant to be swum with such disdain, used so cheaply to let off steam, he was contaminating it with his petty emotions. Not bearing to look at the pool any longer he got dressed and stepped into the night air. The faint stars told him it was even later than he’d imagined. He guessed there was a plus side to everything… he would manage to escape rush hour when returning home.

There were very few people around the station when Haru got there, it felt like a small victory in a day full of defeats; granted, waiting for the last train by himself wasn’t exactly the brightest of ideas, but he supposed he liked not having brilliant thoughts, it made him... ordinary. How he wished to be just that.

When the train finally arrived it was just him, a couple of school girls, and some shady guys. The latter should have made him feel a little bit apprehensive, especially because one of them -the dark haired one- was considerably tall even sitting down, with shoulders that refused to be contained by just one seat he looked strong enough to be able to beat anyone to a bloody pulp, if he so desired to; yet it was hard feeling threatened when the guy’s companion - however tall - owned a mane the most ridiculous shade of pastel pink Haru had never imagined a person would willingly submit themselves to.

 _Maybe he lost a bet **.**_ He snorted and shifted his eyes away from his travel buddies, cursing himself for forgetting his headphones at his nightstand. He tried his best to ignore the obnoxious giggling and high pitched squeals of the school girls a few seats away from him. They were crowded around the girl in the middle’s smart phone and –Haru guessed- looking at pictures of cute animals … or… pictures of half naked men… -if Rin’s sister was anything to go by when deciphering the mind and habits of school girls.

He settled for resting back his head and day dreaming about eating a fresh dish of delicious mackerel in the bathtub. He had just gotten out of a pool but there was always room for soaking at home. At least it would be peaceful this time, he promised, as if apologizing to water for his earlier transgression.

He was happily submerging in fantasies of his promised land when the girls stood up to wait for their stop; he was going to look away, he didn't know why he even looked at them in the first place but then he noticed the shady guys quickly stood up as well.

 _Strange_ , he thought. 

“Excuse me miss, you dropped your handkerchief” The dark haired guy politely extended a white piece of cloth to the girls. It looked offensive in his hands, the washed out bandana he wore tightly around his forehead and the unkempt shoulder length hair that escaped from underneath it made him look like a dirty pirate, well, a cheap imitation of one at least.

He had a charming smile - Haru had to hand him that - and it worked wonders to the girls who seemed to completely forget their phone and whatever contents it held.

“Aww thank you” - shy giggling ensued.

“We don’t want you lovely ladies to find yourselves without it if you happen to need it!” the pink haired one exclaimed much too grinningly -for what Haru declared- should be anyone's taste. An image of the cartoon cat in the Alice in wonderland came to mind.

The girls giggled some more, seemingly not fazed at all by being approached by two weird strangers on the train. _Ahhh...the power of good looks_.

 _Idiots_  thought Haru as he clearly saw how the pink haired one sunk his hand into one of the girl’s bags while the dark haired one drew their attention by making small talk. Pink panther was subtly interrupted by decoy guy elbowing him, making him remove his hand from the girl’s bag as quick as a cat, empty handed.

Haru lifted his gaze and realized they were both eyeing him, warily. They probably thought he was about to rat on them or give them a hard time, as if he could anyway –or even wanted to. It wasn’t his fault the swooning girls were too horny to realize they were being preyed on by a couple petty criminals – if anything, Haru should be wary of them watching him watching them. It was two against one, and even if it wasn’t he still had the short end of the stick; he was confident he could take pink locks on a one on one, if only because he refused to be defeated by such a ridiculous character, but the other guy....

Before anything could happen the train slowed to a halt and the speakers announced the location as the doors opened. 

“Ah this is our stop” the girls looked at the guys expectantly, probably waiting to see if they would be lucky enough to have them walk them home or whatever. _Seriously, get a clue already._

However the pink haired one smiled that feline grin of his and pretended to have gotten the stops mixed up, asked the girls for directions and waved them goodbye wishing them a safe trip home.

The big guy however, hadn’t moved his gaze from Haru, a frozen Haru who had stopped breathing the second their eyes met each other.

_Vivid green_

“Menacing”, “accusatory”, “dangerous”, none of those were the right words to describe the set of eyes that looked back at him, guarded by upturn eyebrows that had no business residing on such a rough face; “gut punching”, “blood chilling” _, impossible_ , were much more fitting.

Why, why had nature given a copy of those eyes...  _His_  eyes... _Makoto’s_ eyes...to a train pickpocketer?

 It was _wrong_.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Haru's life stops being ordinary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to work on the next one tonight! 
> 
> I know it's short but it just felt like a good moment to end a chapter XD

The water in his bathtub had long gone cold, just as the clock needles had long left behind the position at which he should have left for school. He didn’t care. He had barely managed to sleep the night before. He was aware he was exaggerating the experience; there was no reason to make anything out of it, to let it affect him in the slightest.

The world was full of people, it was only logical there were repeated features among them, that’s why Nagisa never ran out of “celebrities look a likes” pictures to send him, for some reason thinking Haru would find it funny, interesting or even know who the heck the people were supposed to be in the first place. It was definitely stupid to make a big deal out of it, it made no sense to still get goose bumps when he remembered those green eyes.

Eyes so familiar and so unknown, eyes he couldn’t read at all; eyes that got off the train without saying a word.

He should feel glad instead, glad he didn’t get in trouble. He wasn’t beaten, robbed or stabbed to death. He was spared, free to go back to his uneventful life. Yet he rarely did what he should, and reason seldom had a say when it came to emotions.

Features repeated among humans, fair enough, there was nothing he could do about it; but why oh why, in a world of billions, did he have to come across the one who owned a copy to the eyes he'd struggled so much to accept he would never get to see again.

Life clearly had a grudge against him; so as per usual, there was nothing left to do than settling for knowing there was no point in feeling what he felt, and wait for said feelings to go away.

And he could also head to school.

 

He wanted to believe he could have gotten better at riding the train in the span of one day, but that was ridiculous. He was just as unprepared for the race to freedom that started once the doors opened as he had been the day before, but either way he managed to make it in one piece; even if he finished last.

He walked the four or five blocks to school at snail pace, if he tried hard enough to be as slow as possible he might just manage to skip first period entirely. It was a feat he had achieved many times already, but worthy of repeating nonetheless. He didn’t expect to get any help though...

 “Good morning there” a sing-song voice called from a little ahead of him.

Leaning against a wall, hands in pockets, the person whose existence he was trying his hardest to deny greeted him with a gentle smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

His god damned green eyes.

Now this was really starting to piss him off...

“What do you want?” he spat. He figured the thief was looking for trouble. He could only be there to either intimidate him or to rob him.

And Haru might just be willing to give him all his money if it meant he would never have to face him again.

“Wow, no reason to be so defensive” The tall boy - who was even taller up close- pushed himself off the wall and stood before Haru, holding his hands up as if it was second nature for him.

_It probably was._

“How much do you want?” Right to business, there was no point in making whatever that was, last longer than needed.

The other seemed to be truly taken aback by his question, eyes growing large for a second, making him look younger, more like a child, more like…

“Just like that?” The boy - whose hair was actually a dark shade of teal- asked while studying Haru as if he were a rare specimen, which he couldn’t deny, he probably was.

“Will it make you go away forever?”

Well Haru certainly didn’t expect to see hurt flash across the guy’s eyes. Who knew street delinquents who took advantage of school girls could be so easily offended.

He would have felt satisfied with himself if it hadn’t been for the pang in his chest at knowing he was the culprit of painting such bright green with hurt. After so many years, how could that still come like such a natural feeling to him? As if no time had passed at all. As if Makoto had just given him a sad look for hitting Rin with a ball.

He didn’t appreciate his body’s betrayal at all.

“Well if you’re that interested in making me go away maybe I should stay” What kind of messed up logic was that? And what kind of vindictive god had he offended to be put in this predicament?

“Do as you wish” He did his best to look unfazed and started walking, cursing himself for not being able to come up with a better solution than running away, than leaving things unresolved.

He prayed to whoever could help him, that the guy who seemed to be the personification of his inner demons, was just bored and uttering empty threats for the sake of messing around.  
He prayed all through his school day, even while he swam at the school’s pool.  
He didn’t manage to concentrate on anything at all.  
And yet when he got out, a while after everyone else had left, he was greeted with a hand wave and the realization his executor hadn't revoked his sentence.

He guessed there was no running away from karma.


	4. Chapter 4

“I did as I wished” that bastard, how could he smile so serenely, so casually? As if anything about that situation merited it.

And how on earth did he manage to wait all day for him to leave school? It couldn’t be, he probably left and returned just in case he could catch Haru…But then again, Haru had left later than everyone else…So how did he know Haru wasn’t gone already? That level of stubbornness, it both impressed and scared him.

Just what...?

“If you don’t want money, what do you want?” He didn’t know what to do, how to handle it. He wasn’t prepared; he would never be prepared for something like that.

He just wanted to get home already, get in the bathtub and start the mind bleaching process, forget he ever ran into whoever that boy was, and who he wasn’t.

“I do want money, need it actually… thanks to you we couldn’t get any food yesterday”

Was that supposed to make him feel guilty? And worse… could it actually be achieving its purpose?

“Not my problem” No, it couldn’t. What a nerve! As if the guy’s predicament was Haru’s or the girls’ fault… he had no care for entitled people, and yet… he opened his wallet anyway, might as well get it over with.

“What are you doing?” The confusion and dare he say, fear, in the other’s face confused him.

_Ventilating my money, what else?_

Just really… what the hell did this guy want? He wanted his money, but he didn’t want his money? What was it that put him off, the fact that Haru was giving it willingly? Was it not worth as much when it wasn’t stolen? Was he too proud to accept charity? Just what… what the hell did he need to do to get rid of him?

He wanted to ask, but he already had, and that hadn’t work out too well.

Maybe…

“If I buy you dinner would you leave me alone?”

He wouldn’t have believed the words that left his mouth if he hadn’t just heard his own voice uttering them.

Was he willingly offering to spend time with that guy? A stranger? A delinquent? A secondhand identity plagiarist?

He was about to take it back when…

“Would you?”

Something about the way the other said those words caused an obstruction somewhere in his throat.

“If you promise to leave me alone” Yes that was the reason he was doing this, the only reason, it had nothing to do with green eyes looking at him with a strange sort of light.

 

So there he was, at a fast food restaurant with a possibly homeless guy, who uncannily resembled his dead childhood friend and who might or might not have committed worse things than the petty crimes he was doing when Haru met him… less than a day ago.

 “You will pay for everything right?” The guy was shifting the menu in his fingers as if he held onto it for too long, it would start charging him.

_No, when you tell someone you will buy them food.... you expect them to pay._

He didn’t bother answering.

“Right” the guy said with an embarrassed sigh as if he had guessed Haru’s thoughts. He seemed nervous, it didn’t fit him and it didn’t fit the whole street guy persona. How did he ever manage to intimidate anyone? Right…  _his height and muscles._

_Makoto probably wouldn’t be that tall, even if he was growing taller than me._

He couldn’t deny it really was an uncanny resemblance; He tried his best to not look at the guy, because the more he did, the more familiar his face seemed. Not just his eyes, but his eyebrows, his nose, even his gestures, it was like looking into a magic ball that showed what could have been. Yet at the same time, just as much as he resembled Makoto, he vastly differed him. Everything was similar enough to lull him into a false sense of recognition and familiarity, but different enough to make him feel like he was being cheated, mocked by some superior power that wanted to rub his face on his friend’s permanent absence.

He cursed himself for allowing his thoughts to ponder on such things, when he could be either avoiding them, or better yet focusing on why the guy acted so strange.

Maybe he was nervous because he and his partner had a plan of capturing Haru when they left the restaurant, hit him with a machete and then sell his organs on the black market…Then again, he wouldn’t have had the time to set up such a plan; he had no contact with peachy locks since they started walking together to the nearest restaurant. Though, something like that probably didn’t need much planning. Haru shook his head; his thoughts were getting just as bizarre as the situation.

He ignored the looks people gave them as best as he could, he guessed it was not an everyday occurrence to see a boy in an elite school uniform having dinner with one who wore faded torn clothes and a washed out bandana that seemed to have been blue at some point in time, possibly sometime along the decade before his birth.

They finally ordered, the guy had checked his order with him first “Is this ok? This much?” …just like a child.

Haru was getting tired of this shy delinquent act. It was beyond stupid, and worse, it didn’t seem to be an act…

He was content with waiting for their food in silence –

“My name is Spartan by the way”

But no one ever seemed to care about what he was content with.

_I didn’t ask. And also… what a stupid name._

“That’s a stupid name” he wasn’t about to keep it to himself.

“Better than having a girly name I guess” _Wait… how did he? How…. ?_

“Why do you… say that?” Spartan looked at him confused…

“I just know a few guys who do, you haven’t introduced yourself yet by the way… that’s rude” Haru snorted, being called rude by someone who stole for a living, well… he guessed it made as much sense as having dinner with someone who stole for a living, well… to be fair he _did_ have dinner with his dad when he was in town.

“Haru”

“Just Haru?” Haru glared at him

“Haruka” He gave him a warning look that said “if you dare to laugh…” which the other seemed to understand easy enough for he actually did try his hardest not to laugh. He failed and Haru stood up.

A strong hand shot up towards him and before he could process it, his arm was caught in an unyielding grip. It made his eyes grow large. Yes, there was no doubt, that guy was freakily strong, like a wild beast.

“I’m sorry, don’t... don’t go” and yet; that look, that  _voice._ Haru looked away.

“… since you still have to pay for everything” the other finished with a sly smile. Haru blinked a couple of times. What was that? Where had the shy boy gone? Just what kind of messed up identity issues did this guy have?

“Ok… Haru it is then” Spartan laced his fingers and rested his arms on the table, leaning forwards and directing all his attention to Haru… It felt like he was suddenly caught in an interview or something equally stressful and unpleasant. He took a deep breath and sighed; looking at the direction of the waiters… food could not arrive fast enough. His companion chuckled at that.

 Haru was starting to feel like a mouse recently caught by a cat that was far more interested in playing, than having his dinner…


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok sorry at the delay, stupid work got in the way. I hope I can write more this weekend. 
> 
> Hope you like it! :D

 

The waiters looked away from his demanding gaze every time Haru made eye contact with them. It wasn't usual for him to actually try to make eye contact with anyone but again, nothing about that day was usual.

A little taste of his own medicine huh?

"I take you're not much of a talker? Or maybe..." He could hear the hesitation in his voice, unsure whether to go on, expecting encouragement. He didn't need to look at his face to know it, he didn't want to look at that face because Spartan’s eyes hadn't stopped studying him during the last five minutes Haru didn’t like being studied, and even less by such bright green.

So he wasn't going to encourage them.

"... is it just me you are against?" Haru didn't understand why, but he flushed at that, so straightforward, such an intrusive question, yet there was no malice or scorn in the voice... just curiosity?

"I don't know you" He should have said that: yes, the other's presence bothered him since he was a criminal and had kind of stalked him, but his brain seemed to be having a lag problem lately, only realizing what he should have said when it was much too late.

"You don't seem interested in getting to know me either" Haru scoffed

"Why should I be?" Yes, why should he? Because he happened to have eyes that awoke things he would rather stay dormant? Why did Spartan even care if Haru was interested?

"Well shouldn’t you be concerned about whether I want to hurt you? Or rob you? if I will leave you alone or not?"

"If you want to do any of those things there's nothing me worrying about it can do about it"

"Well... that's a way to see it I guess" The other seemed to be pondering about what Haru said, it wasn’t really something to ponder much about, but at least it shut him up for a while.

"You are unusual" It took Haru a few seconds to process what he heard; it was so out of the blue... such a strange thing to say, it actually surprised him enough to prompt him to face Spartan for the first time since he had -unsuccessfully- tried his escape.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind... “ Spartan answered with a polite smile. What a bastard! Haru looked away; he felt like he had fallen for some kind of cheap trick.

"Your food, please enjoy" they were interrupted by the waiter who finally deigned himself to bring their dinner.

They ate in silence much to Haru’s surprise, just as he had wished they would, and yet... it only made him unreasonably angrier.

He kept his eyes trained on the food, and chewed it with enough force to know his jaw was going to be sore afterwards. He didn't know just why the other guy affected him so much but he somehow did. Haru was asking for the bill as soon as the other had his last bite in his mouth, he didn't even bother to wait until his companion swallowed.

He paid unceremoniously and stood up.

He thought of saying something like "well... this is it" or "we're even now" or what he truly wanted to say "I hope I don't see you ever again"

But as usual, words always hesitated and cowered away in his throat, refusing to leave his mouth. So he just walked away instead.

He felt bad about it, for some reason he didn't even want to try to understand. At least he was free now.

"Hey wait up, what's the hurry there's still time enough for your train" Or so he had been stupid enough to think.

Haru walked faster. Spartan ran up to his side refusing to take the hint altogether.

"You walk fast; you must be fitter than you look!" What the hell was that supposed to mean? Did he… look unfit?

“You do sports?" Haru took a deep breath.

"Hmm… I don't see you as much of a team player" the other continued his thoughts undisturbed. _You guessed right_

"Hmm... so high school sports that aren't team sports, that leaves kendo, track and... swimming I guess" Haru remained silent but not out of annoyance this time... He was curious; would Spartan be able to guess...?

"Hmm I can't see you doing kendo... would require you to fight and you know, look at your opponent" What kind of answer was that? He was right though, it was too bothersome.

"Guess track doesn't seem like it would suit you either… I know! It has to be swimming" A gasp escaped Haru's mouth before he was able to stop it, and for the first time he couldn't help his eyes fixing on the strange boy walking beside him

It seemed to be enough confirmation for the other…If he even needed any

"So swimming it is" Spartan exclaimed with a triumphant smile. Haru wanted to ask, how? But he didn't want to break his silence and he was already angry for allowing himself to grow curious. The other answered anyway

"Because of your form" Maybe, Spartan swam too?

Spartan didn’t seem to guess his question this time and offered no answer, making Haru have to bite back his curiosity… for he still refused to speak. Instead he just settled for wondering again, just what the hell was all of that? Why was the guy walking beside him, well, walking beside him? _Why?_

“I guess the train station is not very far away from your school. Still you shouldn’t leave so late at night you know?” Spartan mentioned nonchalantly as they approached the station. Haru tsked. He had some nerve, telling him that.

“I’m serious, a lot of people get assaulted around here… you should be careful” The other added with a tone of frustration, probably at realizing Haru wasn’t taking him seriously at all. It was too much for Haru to take.

“Yeah, I should be careful around people like you for example” He was getting truly sick of whatever game the other was playing; he approached the platform and waited for the train. Not very far away; he could see lights approaching. Not long until he could get home…

Spartan grew silent

“It wasn’t a threat”

“Sure” Haru’s eyes were fixed on the fast approaching train… counting the remaining seconds to freedom.

“I never thought of robbing you… or hurting you” the other added, with an alarming sincerity in his voice. Haru could feel the train’s vibrations speeding up in his chest.

“You were very nice to me, that’s why I wanted to make sure you got home safe” The train’s speed was threatening to break Haru’s ribcage now, its furious approaching form sucking up all air from the station, making it impossible for him to breathe.

“So thank you for the meal, I won’t bother you anymore” The train stopped, the doors opened. Haru took a step forward, his legs stiff.

“Goodbye Haru” The doors closed behind him, he turned around...

...and saw warm green.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Spartan's pov now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty shitty, sorry.

He wasn’t exactly a fan of what they were about to do, though over the years he had become numb enough to it to be able to fool anyone into thinking he was.

It wasn’t easy; he didn’t have Kisumi’s natural charm and ability of getting his way with a mere flash of white teeth. Even when his friend always told him his own smile could break the walls of the most well guarded heart, Spartan knew it didn’t matter how long he did it, it would never come naturally to him, but at least, he didn’t screw up as often now.

He knew it could be worse; he could be paired up with one of the other guys, whose weapons weren’t sweet words but actual sharp knives. Spartan knew how to handle such weapons, but he rather not to, the few times he had to, always left a bitter taste at the back of his throat, a taste that took weeks to leave him.

He was very thankful of Kisumi for that, his friend was never violent, never hurt anyone and he was always generous and patient with him. Even when Spartan had grown strong and big enough to be the one to scare people who bothered them away, Kisumi was the one who usually got them the food and shelter they needed to survive. It was why he tried his best at helping him, even if he wasn’t the one to actually get the goods he tried his best to assist at least by distracting people.

 Teenage girls were the easiest target. Kisumi always said their good looks would make it a piece of cake, and ever since they managed to get puberty down and girls stopped looking at them with disgust and pity and started showing slight interest, they had been playing that card.

It was embarrassing at first - well at least to him, Kisumi was a natural- but after some guidance Spartan became just as good as his friend and no one could tell the difference. They were the heartbreaker duo. So that day wasn’t supposed to be a challenge…Yet it was.

He didn’t know why he stopped Kisumi when he saw that snobby school kid looking at them, it’s not like they had never been caught red-handed before, most people minded their own business, no one wanted to get into any shit. Spartan was big enough to make anyone who tried otherwise regret it with a mere glace their way.

But that didn’t work with that brat. The guy's eyes were piercing, unmoving, unimpressed… and they were the most striking shade of blue he had ever seen. He just couldn’t process that, for some reason. He panicked and elbowed his friend, who was quicker at reacting than him.

Their efforts had been frustrated at the end, not so much by the stranger - who didn’t really attempt anything - but by Spartan himself who freaked out, and still didn’t quite get why. Kisumi didn’t get mad at him though, he never did, he just shrugged it off and smiled that careless smile that hid so much.

“We’ll find something else”

Spartan truly wanted to believe that, maybe then he could stop remembering those strange blue eyes. They didn’t find anything of course. And that only meant one thing...

 “Ok Spar, I’m off to make a buck, be nice and don’t get in any fight with other strays ok?” His friend stuck out his tongue and took off towards the tunnels to - in his own words- make his good looks pay that other way they could.

Spartan tried his best to smile a genuine smile, but guilt was eating him away. All because of that blue eyed daddy’s boy, now Kisumi had....No, that was a lie, it had been his own fault.

 He couldn’t sleep well that night and it wasn’t due to the angry roars of his empty stomach. He left early the next day, to try and maybe find something by himself and maybe that way, feel less guilty. He also wanted to avoid the breakfast Kisumi would likely show up carrying, with a smile on his tired face.

He didn’t want any of that.

He wandered around, let the crowd of hurried people hide him, push him, take him nowhere. Everyone moving fast, determined, with someplace to be, something to do... somewhere to return to. It made him feel foreign every time, he was there, they could see him, bump into him, exist at the same time he did, but he wasn’t the same as them.

He didn’t belong.

He saw them then, the culprits. Blue eyes…pushing through the crowd, looking for a way out… drowning... He knew the feeling. His feet followed them, following no one’s command.

He didn’t know what he was doing, what he was going to do once and if he caught them, but he had nowhere else to go, nothing else to do.

_And he was curious_

Maybe he could rob him, make up for last night. He felt a twist in his guts as soon as the thought finished flashing through his mind.

 He managed to guess the scowling teen’s destination and intercept him before he reached it. He didn’t know what to do, what was he trying to achieve? He was acting on impulse and he wasn’t used to that. He wasn’t used to people not being afraid of him either. The boy wasn’t cooperating. It was just another disaster.

_Blue eyes had no mercy._

“Do as you wish”

He knew what those words meant; he knew what that ice cold stare had meant by them: _I don’t care._ And it only made perfect sense, truly, the mere presence of someone the likes of Spartan was nothing but an inconvenient to someone like him, a bothersome dirty fly on his perfectly neat house _…Something to get rid of._

The voice of the boy kept echoing in his empty head, long after he had continued his path, leaving Spartan behind _“Will it make you go away forever?”_

It shouldn’t hurt, he knew it shouldn’t. What some rich guy who didn’t know him, who he didn’t know, thought of him. But it did.

_…Unwanted, Useless._

He didn’t feel like moving. He knew he wasn’t going to rob anyone, he never did. There was nothing he could do. Stuck somewhere in nowhere, not being able to be bad, not being able to be good either.

_“Do as you wish”_

“What I wish…” he pondered “What do I wish?”

_…To not need anyone._

 His body was tired his eyes felt so heavy, the lack of sleep, the lack of food caught up to him… He fell asleep on the sidewalk.

He woke up late in the afternoon, god only knew how many people had walked pass him and thought what a bum, crossing to the other sidewalk. It wouldn’t be the first time he slept on the street. And it wouldn’t be the last. He still didn’t want to get “home” He didn’t want Kisumi’s food; even if he had no way of finding his own, he wasn’t ready.

Time passed, the sun set, people stopped passing him by. How long had he been on that sidewalk? It wasn’t a bad place, the view was nice -a nice neighborhood -a lot of trees, colored by the fast approaching autumn. It was strange they hadn’t called the cops on him, he was lucky being able to stay there like that… if only for a while longer.

He heard footsteps and looking towards his left he saw it: a cruel joke. He stood up, meeting yet again unforgiving blue.

_…A cruel joke indeed._

He had to offer an explanation, something. He sought for it in the other’s eyes and saw it, what they were thinking, fearing. The answer came to him too easily then. Out of spite, he couldn’t stop himself, he _wouldn’t._

“I did as I wished”

It was too late to care. He had nothing to lose. He just played along yet again; let the other believe what he wanted. It worked, the boy offered money but… It made his stomach twist, his pulse quicken. _It was wrong._ It was no different from stealing. He was in no position to be picky, he knew that, but it was stronger than him.

Just what was he doing? Why did he continue to speak to that guy who clearly held nothing but contempt and disgust towards a low life like him? And yet…

 “If I buy you dinner will you leave me alone?”

_What?!_

The last thing he could have expected. And from that guy, _why?_

His stomach was attempting to leap from its place to take over his brain, probably wondering angrily why he wasn’t accepting already. He was at his limit; he was truly at his limit.

“Would you?”


	7. Chapter 7

They made their way to the restaurant in silence.

 Spartan tried his best to stop his stomach from making any sound. He didn’t want the other to know just how hungry he was, he didn’t like people seeing him at his worst. It wasn’t often that he spent so many days without food, they usually found a way to get something every day, but the last couple of days had been rough. At least now he wouldn’t have to taste Kisumi’s food.

 He still didn’t understand how he ended up in that place, sitting in front of that scowling school boy, earning glances from everyone around them; he was no stranger to those.

They were handed their menus and Spartan opened his in awe. He couldn’t recall many times he’d been able to choose so freely what he wanted to eat, it was a strange feeling, it felt like a trap; he had to be sure.

 “You will pay for everything right?” The look the other gave him was enough to understand he'd just made a stupid question.

“Right” Something in the back of his empty stomach told him that, maybe, he’d gotten the boy wrong.

 He couldn’t help but stare, such a contrast to himself. The other boy was pale and smooth where he was sunburnt and rough; he was delicate and stoic where he was brute and clumsy, but most of all:

_He owned those mysterious blue eyes._

There was something about them that made his brain work over time. It was just a pair of eyes; not like they weren’t of the most impossible shade of blue he’d ever seen, but it wasn’t that; they seemed to have a hidden magnet that made Spartan’s green seek them relentlessly - he'd done just that at the station, earlier on the street, and now - thinking of ways to make them finally grant him the mercy of focusing on him.

 It made no sense. Hunger was making him lose his mind.

He didn’t end up putting much thought into his choice, except for the quantity; his stomach took control of him for a second and demanded the feast it starved for. He felt a little ashamed, but the other just waved his hand dismissively.

 “Ask for whatever you want”

He was grateful. He was almost sure the boy whose name he didn’t know was a bit harder to figure out than he had originally thought.  He wanted to understand though; he wanted to know his name…

 “My name is Spartan by the way” He waited anxiously for the customary reply, but instead…

 “That’s a stupid name” He felt disappointed, the other still hadn’t even glanced his way. Still not cooperating huh?

He knew his name was odd, a bit ridiculous to be honest yes, so he had nothing to fight that statement with. He mumbled something about girly names and that seemed to peak the other’s interest for a bit.

“Why do you… say that?” _Strange_

 “I just know a few guys who do, you haven’t introduced yourself yet by the way… that’s rude”

That was his opportunity!

 “Haru”

 Haru, Haru, Haru…. It felt nice in his head.

 “Just Haru?” It felt extremely nicer in his tongue.

 The glare wasn’t nice, but at least his unfriendly eyes were focusing on him now. He could live with that.

 “Haruka” it almost came in a shy whisper, so unlike the previous stoic brave image  _Haru_  had shown that it made something warm spread in Spartan’s inside. It felt like hot coco down his throat; it tickled something inside and he tried his best to suppress it. He knew the other would think it was due to his girly name but he couldn’t help it, a chuckle escaped.

 Abruptly, the other gracefully stood up and attempted a quick escape; he panicked and just as quick, his hand had the boy’s surprisingly muscular forearm in its grip.

_He’s not as lean as his uniform makes him look._

Having the shorter boy so close to him allowed him to catch a whiff of his scent; he smelled clean and musky. Spartan himself probably smelled of dirt and sweat, but Haru, he smelled of chlorine.

 “I’m sorry, don’t... don’t go” The boys perfume had distracted him, left him off guard, almost vulnerable. His voice came out soft and pleading. _Woah… that sounded just pitiful._ “… Since you still have to pay for everything” He tried to make it better with a teasing smile. He didn’t know if the other had bought it but at least he returned to his seat.

 “Ok… Haru it is then” He offered as conciliation but the other didn't accept it, taking his blue orbs away decisively…pouting.

 As Haru seemed to be trying to death glare the waiters into bringing their food faster, Spartan started to convince himself he had definitely gotten Haru wrong. He was just an antisocial kid. But once again, he _had_ to be sure…

 "I take you’re not much of a talker? Or maybe..." Easier said than done…He hadn’t measured the amount of courage finishing that sentence would require and now he found himself short of it, desperately trying to gather some. He sought for help but blue refused to even listen to his pleas. He counted to five and manned up.  "... Is it just me you are against?" There, that wasn’t so hard.

 "I don't know you" Still so uncooperative.

 "You don’t seem interested in getting to know me either" Haru scoffed. He didn’t understand why, it was a valid question. If he was in Haru’s place he would be a bit worried about a criminal approaching him.

 “Why should I be?" Just how childish was this guy? Or maybe, was he just that brave? That he wasn’t concerned at all?

 "Well shouldn’t you be concerned about whether I want to hurt you? Or rob you? if I will leave you alone or not?"

 "If you want to do any of those things there's nothing me worrying about it can do about it" _Ahh…_ So that was it. Was there truly someone capable of living life in such a pragmatic way? He wondered. His companion seemed more and more amazing the more he thought about him.

 "You are unusual" His mouth was betraying his thoughts faster than his brain could shut it the hell up.  It succeeded where he had failed though. Blue eyes were set on him now, flowing with interest. _Intense._

"What is that supposed to mean?" He couldn’t answer though.

 "Never mind... “He offered a smile and hoped it was enough of an apology for his indiscretion.

 Food arrived at last and served as a distraction. He was much too hungry to try and get Haru to talk a bit more; maybe when they were done. Sadly he hadn’t even been able to finish when Haru was paying for their food and standing up. He waited for a comment or something but his companion just left. Maybe Haru really couldn’t stand him, or maybe he couldn’t stand anyone; either way he had fed Spartan and hadn’t completely dismissed him even when he had every right to and for that, he was truly grateful. He wanted to make sure that Haru got home safe, it was the least he could do. They were going to the same place either way, or so he told himself.

 The shorter boy seemed to have decided his work of charity for the day was over and completely ignored him all the way. Spartan tried to get him to talk, brought up the subject of his strange fitness, asked about sports... but it was no good. He even tried sparking Haru’s curiosity by pretending to guess he was a swimmer. It seemed to work, the dark haired boy seemed unaware of the chlorine perfume his skin was pouring to the wind, yet he still didn’t say a single word.

 Spartan figured there was nothing else to do, that had been as far as he was going to get to know Haru. He knew it was stupid to feel sad about it; even if he got to know his name, Haru was still just a stranger he met by chance - well, by his own insistence - But in a way, Haru had helped him, had distracted him when he needed it the most. Even if the blue eyed boy hadn’t done it knowingly, he had given Spartan the strength he needed to go back and do what he had to.

 He guessed he was lucky that at least he managed to steal his name from him. It was a personal victory, however small. It was enough. As strange as it was, and as little as it probably meant to Haru, even if he didn’t have much of a reason to, he would treasure that moment.

 Spartan smiled. He wanted to make sure though that Haru knew what he felt. He told him to be careful, he knew that area well enough, he knew a lot of his friends, and even enemies “worked” there. He wanted to at least pay Haru with a friendly warning. Haru didn’t seem to take it that way though. He couldn’t quite blame him.

 “I’m serious, a lot of people get assaulted around here… you should be careful” How could he convey to Haru that he truly was trying to warn him?

 “Yeah, I should be careful around people like you for example” He told himself that didn’t hurt. Wouldn’t be the first time and he had to be stronger than that, stronger for what he had to do. He brushed the offense off and stubbornly held to his idea of ending whatever that was in a positive note. The train was approaching, he didn’t have much time.

 “I never thought of robbing you… or hurting you” Haru would probably not believe that either, but he had to say it.

 “You were very nice to me, that’s why I wanted to make sure you got home safe” Maybe he was saying too much.

 “So thank you for the meal, I won’t bother you anymore” Haru got on the train.

 “Goodbye Haru” Blue eyes turned around and for a brief second, they allowed him to admire them to his heart's content. _Maybe they could be merciful after all._  The train took off, taking them away with it

 Well... It was time. He was determined to not arrive “home” empty handed this time. He turned around…And headed for the tunnels.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proofread sorry. 
> 
> More to come soon. don't kill me please, it's not as bad as it looks.

_“I never thought of robbing you… or hurting you”_  Haru turned in his bed yet again. So much for a night’s sleep… He tried his best to will his thoughts away from the stranger.

_Water…_ His dear water could heal everything, could calm his restless unforgiving thoughts _._ It was the only thing that could make his prone to over work brain find peace _Water…_ Water that was the prime element of life; what people were made of what kept them from withering like flowers. Pristine liquid that nourished the scenery turning it into bright green, though not as bright as Spartan’s… _Damn it._

 Haru made a soft grumble sound and turned to his left. Ne _w thought…_ School, tedious school, uneventful school, stupid classes, stupid teachers, stupid train ride… train station, _Spart…_ _DAMN IT!_

He turned face down and buried his face in his pillow this time _. Again,_ _NEW thought…_ Today’s news, traffic accidents, crime, people who would never get home again…” _I wanted to make sure you got home safely”_  ...

“Guess all roads lead to… well… Sparta” Haru mentally face palmed at his own lame joke and let out a loud irritated growl.

 By the time the alarm clock rang he wasn't even sure at what time he had finally fallen asleep, all he knew was that it had been too late for him to achieve any decent amount of rest. Getting up wasn’t the most discouraging thing though... waking up to Spartan’s name on his lips was. 

Haru was an expert in denial, that was why all through the train ride, he repeated to himself that his quick pulse and the knot that made itself present every time he swallowed were only there because he feared the sly stranger wouldn’t keep his promise, and would be there when he got off.

 What he felt was relief –and most certainly not disappointment- when he reached school early and uneventfully, without any surprise interception from the person he swore he wasn’t longing to see. _Maybe there were too many people around for him to find me in the crowd_.  Also, his desire to leave school was just his usual one, due to lack of interest, and not to see if Spartan would be waiting outside for him.  And after classes were over, he told himself he skipped going to the school’s pool because it was much too crowded, and not because of something else.

Yet when his train home opened the doors in front of him that day with no green eyes to look back to, he could not find any excuse to justify the cold silence of their missing farewell. He got on…A day later though, his feet didn’t respond when he found himself looking at parting doors again, offering to take him back to an empty house; he saw them close and disappear from his line of sight, making no attempt to move at all.

 He didn’t know why, he knew it was stupid; it was against what he wanted to achieve. But… just what did he want to achieve? A distant thunder roared as if reprimanding his confusion, he looked up to the sky that was getting darker earlier than it should.

 Small drops of his precious liquid began to fall, timidly at first but quickly gaining confidence until it was pouring and lighting was splitting the sky. He stepped back and retreated to a safer distant. Such water was too cold to sooth him. However, he couldn’t deny they made a mesmerizing sight, so he leaned back against a wall and just watched.

Lost in the murmur of the storm he heard a sound… a whimper. He turned around and looked to his sides, there were a few people waiting quietly around the station, some chatting in hushed voices as they stared at the threatening view of the sky.

 Lighting struck somewhere, thunder followed and he heard it again, louder… a choked wail.

 With the same free will they showed when refusing to let him board the train, his feet began walking towards the stairs that led to the streets. A drum started playing in his chest, slowly but loud. _Boom._ He heard another whimper followed by a comforting shushing voice. _Boom._

“It’s ok buddy, it’s ok, it’s just thunder” _Boom_. He faced the stairs and the wrongness of the sight that welcomed him made the drums fall out of rhythm, sending vibrations all over his body. Soaking wet, leaning against a wall and holding a terrified and equally soaked little black dog wrapped inside his old purple nylon jacket: _Spartan._

 The boy looked up, eyes shooting wide – _No –_ Haru’s mind screamed - eyes of a dull green - _No -_ The teen before him had dark bruises around his left eye and Haru could see angry marks around his neck, badly hidden by his wet teal locks - _No!_

“Ha-Haru?” Spartan questioned surprised, as he tried to keep the water droplets out of his eyes without letting the dog escape from his protective grip. The drum was beating erratically now, hitting painfully everywhere in his chest. _What happened?_ _Why?_  Haru went down the steps in silence and took hold of the boys arm.

 “Can you walk?”

 “Huh? What are you doing here Haru?”

 “I asked you if you can walk” Haru took a better look at the bruises on Spartan's neck. Finger marks and… bite marks: not a dog’s kind... Spartan looked away.

 “Yes, don’t worry Haru I’m ok, just go home, don’t get yourself wet”

 “Let’s go” Haru turned around and started climbing the steps still holding Spartan by the arm.

 “What? Wait! Where?!” He didn’t answer. The other struggled to keep the sickly dog in his grip, using both hands as best as he could; Haru climbed the stairs slowly to give him time to adjust but refused to let go.

“I can’t leave the dog!”

 “I’m not asking you to” _Just shut up and follow me damn it._

 “But we can’t get a dog inside a train” Spartan’s voice was higher than Haru remembered, he sounded frustrated. His strange behavior was probably not helping, but he couldn’t stop and explain, he was barely in control of himself.

 “We’re not boarding the train”

 “Huh?” The agitation in the other’s voice sounded wrong to his ears, it made his stomach twitch in rejection. He led them to the street and took off his phone.

 “Goro, I need you to pick me up”

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case, this won't have any non-con (cause you guys thought so last chapter) it doesn't get as far.

 

The shocked look of his driver as he got out of the car was an expression Haru had never seen in the man’s face. He could easily imagine what the other was thinking, seeing Haru soaking wet and  _not alone._ He never had any company aside from when his parents came to town. Sometimes Nagisa paid him a visit - on even rarer occasions, Rin did - but that was about it.

 The fact Haru had anyone else with him was reason enough to baffle the good man. The fact that the person next to Haru looked completely pitiful as he carried a dying dog didn’t exactly make it better. He couldn’t care at the minute what kind of awful conclusions Goro’s mind was coming to, he wanted to get Spartan the hell out of there _He needed to._

“Get inside quick damn it!” the man urged them after he shook his initial shock. Haru was thankful that Goro had never been one to judge or pry. He told Spartan to get in, who seemed completely reluctant to board the vehicle.

“We’ll wet the seats… and the dog… too fancy” He could see the other’s shadowed green eyes darting back and forwards between the opened door and Haru.

“Just get inside! It’s getting wetter the longer we wait!” He wasn’t one to raise his voice, not normally. Normally he never reacted this way. Spartan grumbled and got inside, finally. Haru closed the door and let out a sigh.

“Goro, take us to Hazuki’s please” Even if he kept his mouth shut and his nose away from it, Goro was no fool and had been studying every movement Spartan made since he got on the car. There was no need to, the guy was engrossed in shushing and holding the dog close to his chest, pressed to the other side of the seat as if he was worried the car would get ruined if he touched too much of it.

“Nagisa’s?” Goro asked finally shifting his gaze from Spartan to Haru through the review mirror.

 “No, his sister” Goro’s eyes told him he understood and with a nod he started the car. Nagisa’s sister work wasn’t that far away and they got there under ten minutes, it felt longer when all he did was listen to Spartan comforting the trembling dog.

 “We’re here” he said gently and braced himself for when the other guy looked up at him. It wasn’t enough; he would never be able to get ready to face such devastating green.

 “Where is here?” Spartan’s voice was rough, he looked tired but he didn’t look scared.

 It hit Haru… _He trusts me._ He got on the car without even knowing where Haru was taking them. Such a thought sent his senses in a state of panic; he had to suppress it as best as he could, it wasn’t the time or place to regret this.

“The vet, for the dog” Spartan’s eyes lit up and the drums returned full force. Haru felt that everything could be ok if he got them to shine brightly again. The boy got off the car without any further insistence from Haru.

 “My my, thank god I didn’t close earlier” A sugary sing song voice exclaimed as soon as Haru stepped inside the colorful store. “What a lovely surprise! I don’t get to see grown up Haru-chan often enough! Getting more handsome by the day are we? Tell me are you legal ye … _Oh_ ” Nagisa’s sister eyes did the same thing as Goro’s as soon as they realized Haru wasn’t alone. He guessed he wouldn’t be as lucky as with his driver; Nagisa’s sisters had no mercy.

 “What happened to that poor thing?” _That’s my line_

 “Come here buddy” _Oh she meant the dog._

“He’s old, and probably hasn’t eaten in a few days; I think it had a fight with another dog too…” Spartan held it tighter to his chest, even as the woman had placed her hands under the dog to receive it in her arms. “He… he’s a good dog”

“I see, I’ll take good care of him” Nagisa’s middle sister gave Spartan a serious yet tender look Haru would have never thought the woman to be capable of. “I promise” she added and the boy finally let her take the dog away.

“Wait here sweethearts!” She turned around before disappearing with a cheerful smile and a wink. She didn’t seem fazed by the homeless boy at all…. It was just like Nagisa’s family to be so laid back.

Haru and Spartan were left in silence, standing in the middle of the room. He didn’t like the silence; it gave room for his brain to question his actions of the past half an hour .He didn’t want to think about what deep down, he already knew too well.

 “So is that your dog?” _Nice one Haru._

“Not really, it’s just a stray, I feed it sometimes…. He’s the smartest dog… the kindest” Spartan added with smile. Haru didn’t know how to answer. He never had any pet. He fed some stray cats from time to time but it was different, cats didn’t require much attention. He tried to think of something to say but…

“Why are you doing this?” He froze. That was exactly the last thing he wanted to talk about.

_Why? Because when I saw you like that I thought of him, because I couldn’t help him; no one could. He was alone._

 

He became flustered. He had nothing; he couldn’t say the truth. How could he explain to the guy that his mind kept confusing him with someone else, and that it kept evoking gut reactions beyond his control? The other didn’t deserve a half assed excuse and he didn’t have any decent one to offer.So he didn’t offer any.

 “Whatever the reason…. Thank you” Spartan’s voice was low and calmed but it shook all of Haru’s nerves.

“No problem” They didn’t speak again until Nagisa’s sister came out.

 “He’s ok, he’s resting, it will take a few days to truly get him to recover but for now I think it looks good” Spartan’s mouth dropped.

 “He’s not… going to die?”

 “No, he was just weak from starvation”

 “But I thought he was too old”

 “He’s not that old, being a stray often makes them look older” The way she said that made Haru think she wasn't just talking about the dog.

 “Ah… makes sense” Spartan said thoughtful.

 “Either way, he’s in better shape than you” her eyes narrowed and Haru saw the panic flash in Spartan’s eyes.

 “I…”

 “Relax, I’m not a cop I don’t care if you work at the tunnels or anything…. But since you seem to be Haru-chan’s friend, I guess I could check your wounds… if that’s ok…”

 “I… I have no way to pay for… any of this” The boy ducked his head ashamed. Nagisa’s sister giggled.

 “Well duh! I’ll charge Haru-chan for the dog and the check up is on the house!” Spartan looked at Haru and Haru nodded encouragingly. He had to admit, he would be hesitant to allow any of Nagisa’s sisters to put their hands on him too, but well, they were all bark and no bite… thankfully.

The stray boy disappeared with the woman towards the room she had taken the dog to. The air seemed to loosen up as Haru let out a breath he didn’t know was holding, he hadn’t realized of the tension that had built around them. Just what was he doing?

“ _Relax, I’m not a cop I don’t care if you work at the tunnels”_  And what had she meant by that?  His stomach twitched violently, he didn’t want to find out… Haru dropped to a seat and looked at the ceiling, what would Rin say if he saw this?

Half an hour later Spartan came out holding his bandana in his fist; his almost dry hair falling wildly down his face and over the bandages on his neck. He looked too handsome for Haru to deny. He gulped. The boy took the washed out blue fabric up and tided it back in place.

 “Thank you… very much” he bowed to the woman who waved a hand dismissively and smiled.

 

“I’ll call you when the dog is ready to be picked up Haru-chan” Haru tsked

 “Stop calling me that” She giggled and walked them to the door. The sun had completely set but at least it had stopped raining. They thanked her again and said goodbye.

 At least she didn’t make many questions…. Well he didn’t know what she had told Spartan while they were away. He just hoped she didn’t say anything about him… or about whom Spartan resembled.

 Goro had parked around the corner, Haru walked there lost in thoughts. It took him a while to realize Spartan wasn’t following. He turned around to ask what was wrong and he saw it: green eyes were looking at him intently, in a way that was unfairly familiar and yet so completely new at the same time. It made his breathing come a halt, his lungs on strike. Such a gaze was dangerous. The drum returned. _Very dangerous._

 The other boy continued to stare, as if trying to find some hidden truth in Haru’s face. Being watched in such a way, it triggered a hundred alarms in Haru’s head. His face heat up and he had to look away. He knew the question those eyes asked, it was the same from before. _Why are you doing this?_   He still had no answer. Yet, Spartan seemed to find one

 “I see… I understand” He said and his eyes far from releasing Haru from their pull, added more force to it.  Spartan walked towards him with a confidence that made his legs shake. He didn’t understand what was going on but his body seemed to be smarter than him and reacted by backing away.

 The other’s face, his expression was something that made his heart beat so loudly that it drowned everything else. His eyes were lidded and it made him look… calm? No, calm wasn’t the word _, Hypnotic_.

 Spartan licked his lips as Haru’s back hit a wall… Realization finally hit and immediately after his mind started malfunctioning. Spartan placed himself mere inches away from Haru, slowly moving closer. His brain stopped working altogether the second he felt the other’s breath on his face. His eyelids fell and his lips parted.

His could feel his pulse beating angrily against his flesh. _He wanted this_ He took a deep breath, as if he was about to take a dive in the deepest pool. He closed his eyes entirely…and Spartan kissed him.

 It was much like diving, the same shock, the same foreign sensation; being swept and taken over by the current, embraced and consumed. Fighting to suppress the need for air, to adjust, to not let it drown you and come to a mutual acceptance. His lips moved tentatively, instinctually, _like swimming_  

 

 

 

A part of him knew how to do this, or maybe it just knew what it wanted. What his body wanted, _desperately_.

Spartan pressed back, gave more, kissed back harder. “No” he thought; he was wrong… - Haru parted his lips in a gasp seeking for much needed air - it was nothing like diving - He lost whatever little amount of air his starved lungs had managed to gather when Spartan pushed his tongue inside. _Oh god_. - This… was much better.

 Haru could spend the rest of his life like this. Could die like this. _Kissing... ...Spartan._ One of the drum sticks pierced through him. _“No, this is wrong”._

 Why was Spartan doing this? Why was _he_ doing this?

 _Because he looks like Makoto_.

Haru pushed him away and saw dull green _“Relax; I’m not a cop I don’t care if you work at the tunnels”_

 _“I… I have no way to pay for… any of this” –_ No, was this..?  - Haru’s eyes shot wide - Was that Spartan’s way of...? - He felt sick.

_Does he think? I helped him because I wanted him to pay me like this?_

He pushed the taller boy completely; and ran away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I hope you won't kill me. Writing a kiss scene turns out, is more than I can manage. 
> 
> But here! A dear friend of mine drew it a hundred times better than I could have ever described it! 
> 
> Also, it's thanks to her not only that I started this, and continued this, but that I can have a clear image of Spartan in my head now! 
> 
> It truly helps move things along a lot better!
> 
> So thank you for all the support Fede, and thank you for this amazing drawing. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [HER DRAWING IN TUMBLR PLEASE CHECK IT OUT](http://unkonageki.tumblr.com/post/114338689972/based-on-chapter-9-of-lucys-fic-spartan-im-so)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I took forever to update I'm aware... all I can say in my defense is... I'm a butt ;A;

Three days. It had been three days since Haru had his first kiss. He had tried to push all thoughts about it away, only to realize it was an utterly impossible task. He gave up not even an hour after he had gotten back home.

He was pathetic, not only had he not even tried to put up a decent fight against his minds insistent replay of that moment, but after three days, he’d visited the memory so much he was sure it would start freezing, skipping and repeating, like a worn out record.

 The fact that it wasn’t how his first kiss should have ever gone just made the swelling of his heart, feel all the more wrong. Yes, everything about that kiss and what it made him feel was nothing but wrong.

 He could try to pretend that he hadn’t enjoyed it every little bit as he did, enjoyed it more than he could have ever imagined, but it was far too late to avoid reality. He wanted Spartan; he wanted him more than he would probably ever want another person, it’s not like he even felt attracted to anyone before.

 But it wasn’t really Spartan who he wanted, it was his long dead friend and that was all sorts of levels of twisted. Last time he saw Makoto they were just kids, it was beyond sickening that he could have such feelings for a boy who never made it into puberty. It was beyond insulting that he could defile Makoto’s memory, what he had meant for him, by lusting after him; even if he was using a proxy to do so.

  _Using…_ And that was the worst of it all, he was using Spartan, and Spartan didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t Makoto, he wasn’t put on this earth so Haru could replace Makoto, something he would never be able to do anyway, and just the fact that his mind was trying to do it, made him feel the lowest scum alive. He was being a horrible friend to both Spartan and Makoto and yet… He couldn’t stop touching his lips, or stop his stomach from turning violently,  _longingly,_  at the memory of the sweet touch. 

He didn’t go to school the following day. He felt thankful that the weekend soon followed and he could spend all day in his bathtub without any remorse. Not that he felt much of it - not about school anyway - and not like the bathtub helped much anymore either. Maybe school would have proven itself useful for once in his life and helped him forget. But then again, he had never been good at forgetting.

 When Monday came he knew he had no other choice, and he was fine with it. The sooner he could return to a routine it would be better. Goro was driving him again and even if he had still been ill, Haru would have accepted a replacement. He couldn’t take the train anymore, and it was not due to rush hour.

 Of course school proved to be just as ineffective as he dreaded it would be. His mind tormented him just as much and Spartan and Makoto’s names replaced every equation, every text, and every date from history lesson that were written in the blackboard.

 But it was too soon to expect some miracle. When Makoto had disappeared, how long had it taken him to go back to normal? _Never_. Well, so much for a silver lining...

 He couldn’t help thinking how cruel it was, that it felt like he was losing Makoto all over again. It was only his own fault for thinking he could get him back in the first place. And he hadn’t wanted to think that. He only met the boy for a few days, he was wary all through it; he truly tried his best to stir himself away from disaster but his mind continued to prove itself as the most treacherous friend he could ever never get rid of.

He got off from his last lesson feeling like it had been weeks since he crossed the school door to enter it only that morning. He was completely exhausted. Thoughts of even glancing the pool’s direction were much too tiresome. Not even the Olympic sized heaven could hold any appeal anymore; just like it had been back then.

 At least at some point, his love for water had returned, at least partially… Water to him had always been water with Makoto and he was only able to realize that when water became water without him. But at least it was something.

 He was dragging his feet towards the usual place where Goro would wait for him when his phone ringed.

 “Haru-chaaaan!! Out of school already? Did I get you before you jumped into the pool?? I figured I should call you the second the bell rang or I wouldn’t be able to contact you for hours and hours and hours! Such is the stamina of a young fit handsome boy is it not? Huhuhu!” He had to part the phone from his ear to protect its integrity, too bad his brain’s was damaged instead.

 “Hazuki-san… what do you want?” He massaged his temples, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with such a sugary voice, he just hoped whatever it was didn’t take long.

 “Well the doggie you left with me is already restored to its rightful state! Paws cleaned, fur brushed and tail wagging at full speed! The only thing lacking is an owner to pick him up! So ask Goro-san to bring you by later ok?! Bah-bye Haru-chaaan! Muah!” And just like that she hanged up.

_Oh… crap._ He had forgotten about the dog. Just what was he supposed to do now? He arrived at Nagisa’s sister work without a plan. The dog wasn’t his for him to claim, and the owner wasn’t his friend for him to call.

 “Haru-chan!! You came! I’m so glad! Wanna see the good boy?” Nagisa’s sister seemed to be on an even higher state of candy induced hyperactivity than was normal for a Hazuki. Maybe she had found a boyfriend… finally.

 “Hmm… it’s not… really my dog” He could have played along a bit more, put effort at all, but what was the point in delaying the inevitable? Nagisa’s sister face changed completely, so much that it was scary; her expression wasn’t, it was soft, but serious.

 “I know… the dog is a stray, that boy you brought him with comes by every day to check on it, he wouldn’t take the dog, he said the same thing you did” Spartan had… been coming to the pet store? Haru swallowed… he could feel the woman’s eyes studying him intently. She wanted explanations.

“Gee Haru-chan relax! I’m not going to ask you how you met the boy…” Haru had to admit he felt relieved there for a second “I already asked him of course!” _For a second…_

 “I didn’t think it through, what would happen with the dog I mean… I apologize” That was all he could offer at the moment, he had nothing else. The woman sighed.

 “Haru… that’s not the issue here, worst case scenario I’ll hook him up with some shelter even though I think that you should definitely keep him yourself… you need some company and this dog desperately needs to know the warmth of a home” _Then my house is definitely not the right place for him_

 “But that boy…”Great, that was it… that was the talk.

 “He just needed help, I barely know his name I’m not really acquaintances with him and it was just a single time thing” He realized that probably sounded bad once he said it but it was too late the woman was already frowning.

“Haru I know… I understand” Her eyes were still soft though. “My mother always used to say… a person who loves and cares for an animal is never a bad person! And I firmly believe that” Her cheerfulness returned for a moment but then she grew strangely silent.

 “He really doesn’t seem like a bad boy - however much of a petty criminal he might be - he was worried about causing you trouble and he sounded genuinely grateful. Just like this dog, what that boy needs is a warm home too, but that’s… not your problem, do you understand?” Haru didn’t… he wasn’t sure what she was trying to get at with the conversation.

 “I know why you wanted to help him, but…” She sighed and shook her head; she looked at Haru and smiled a sad smile “Never mind… just… adopt this cute little doggy won’t you Haru-chan!! I promise you it’s a lovely smart little doggy!” And just like that she was back to her usual self. And all Haru wanted was to get the hell out of there already, so he said yes.

He didn’t have the slightest idea of how to care for a dog. Nagisa’s sister gave him a list of course, and made him buy half the shop before he left with the black dog on a leash; the dog followed him tail waggling and tongue hanging from the corner of his mouth… it looked as if it was happy. It looked like a completely different animal than the wet pitiful old ball Spartan had held so tightly to his chest. Would he be able to care for the dog with as much devotion? Probably not…

 He felt sorry for the dog, getting an owner like himself. But it couldn’t be helped, he had a pet now, a living being he was responsible for; and one that would remind him of Spartan’s existence forever.

 He told Goro to drive ahead with the things they had bought and decided to walk the dog home. Nagisa’s sister had said he would need to do that every day so he thought might as well get it over with.The pet store wasn’t that far away from his home either way.

 

When he arrived he secured the dog's leash to a column by the back yard and proceeded to unload all the things he bought for the still nameless creature. That would likely remain nameless under Haru’s care. Goro tried to help him carry everything inside but Haru insisted it was not necessary. He wanted to be alone. He needed to.

“Ok… I’ll get your things inside you just wait” Haru told the dog and stared at it. People were supposed to talk to their pets all the time. Did they always feel this awkward? _Probably not._

The dog started barking excitedly and jumping around in the little space the leash allowed him. Just what was up with him?  He turned around and bent down to pick up the last bag from the stairs of his house’s entrance and he saw the feet of someone appear out of nowhere in his line of vision. Goro? No.

 “Hi Haru” Green eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of last Spartan's pov.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so, another crappy chapter. very messy, I'm very sorry!! 
> 
> A bit of Spartan's background, sad Kisumi feels, and this is probably the darkest this will get though. 
> 
> mentions of non con attempt but nothing graphic. 
> 
> next one will probably be Haru's pov again.

He never knew exactly when Kisumi had started working down the tunnels. It’s not like the other had hidden the fact from Spartan or that Spartan had no way of knowing. He just guessed… one avoids unwanted knowledge at all costs. He’d always been naïve. A naïve kid the streets couldn’t wait to beat down, strap down and savage. Swallow him whole until nothing remained of that child, either in spirit…or in a far more literal sense.

If it wasn’t for Nao who picked him up and gave him a place with the rest, if it wasn’t for Kisumi, Asahi and Ikuya he would have perished, alone and with no one to mourn him, or even give a damn about it. But for all the people he was thankful for, he was thankful for Kisumi a little more.

The boy was someone unlike anyone Spartan would ever know. He’d seen the streets change people, defeat them. Even when they had each other to rely on, most of his friends from his childhood were taken down, one by one, as if someone was playing a shooter game with them.

Nao, for how strong and collected he had seemed – the one who had the best shot at breaking free - had been the first to go; then Satomi, the Kirishima brothers soon followed her.

Asahi had been the last… but his departure was far more tortuous than all the rest. He booked them tickets to watch in slow motion how he slipped from their grasp while their hands were bound behind their seats. Not that they didn’t try pulling him back anyway… Kisumi most of all, refused to let Asahi go.

They had always been far closer than friends, even if no one had ever said a word about it. Spartan had never dared ask, but then again he didn’t need to. If there had been any doubt left, it was completely wiped out by how visible it was what Asahi’s addiction did to Kisumi.

He could have followed Asahi, he could have gone ahead and followed him to their grave. Spartan knew a part of Kisumi probably had wanted to, how could he not have? It wasn’t like people like them had much to look forwards to in life, heck, it wasn’t like they had much of a life ahead. It wouldn’t have been a bad way to go, spending your last days with the one you love and then take off together. But he hadn’t. Because no matter what… Kisumi never gave up.

 To Spartan, his friend was like a bright flower floating in a dark gutter. He’d always wanted to be like him, even when he knew Kisumi kept his true feelings securely guarded behind a flash of fake smiles - Spartan was his best friend and even he had no idea what personal hell the pink haired boy hosted inside himself - But at least Kisumi… didn’t depend on anyone.

 When he finally found out what kind of job Kisumi had picked for himself, he’d been so angry, not as much as Asahi but far angrier than he could ever recall being…

“It’s ok Spar, it’s my choice it has nothing to do with any of you” But it did. The other even went on and forbade him from ever trying to follow his steps. His face had been so serious and stern, unyielding. But it was something he could use against Kisumi to make him negotiate, and so he forced him to come to an agreement; Kisumi would keep away from the tunnels, only resorting to them as a last resource; but as time went by, that last resource was resorted to far too often.

 There was nothing his friend could do, to keep him from feeling the unbearable guilt of complicity. He wasn’t just a passerby to Kisumi’s sacrifice; he was fed by it. There was no amount of self hatred that could ever satisfy that guilt. There was only one thing he could do. And it was long overdue.

He stood in the dark and waited to be blinded by headlights, needing them to focus on him… wishing they would move pass him and on to another victim. He did his best not to tremble but it was always cold in the red light district.

He had to admit the desire to bail was strong, his resolve always weak. Could there possibly be another place in the world, where one could breathe more desolation than in those humid alleys? _And Kisumi comes here all the time_

It was a funny thing… being alone, without anyone to cover for you, nothing left to hide behind. You had no other choice but to step up to the challenge; and it was about time he stopped hiding. If he could pull a name out of blue icicles, he could do this and come out unscratched, or at least… in one piece. There was no more mercy in giving up.

_Mercy… Blue eyes…_

The afterimage still burned in his eyelids. It was strange, he could forget where he was and who he was… just by thinking of them. He didn’t care about what that meant, or why it was so… he couldn’t care less about reasons; it kept him warm inside, and they would be his amulet for that night.

His hand slipped on the door handle as he tried getting out. His heart was frantic and time froze as he struggled to open the god damn car door. If felt like an eternity but he finally did it. He was out. He was free, and he had never run faster in his life.

The second his feet started flying through the park he felt safe, he knew that zone better than anyone, it was his habitat and he knew how to navigate it and where to hide. He was going to be fine.

He finally stopped at an ally, hid behind a trash can and let himself fall to the ground. His legs ached and his breath was taking longer than usual to return to normal.

It was only then that he looked down at his hands. _So much blood._ He felt sick at the sight; had he really done that? He panicked for a second, what if he had gone too far? What if he had really damaged the man? _Relax Spar; you only broke the bastard’s nose_. His mind told him in Kisumi’s voice.

It was the last thing he should be thinking about but his brain pulled a memory at the bloody sight. He remembered that time Ikuya had gotten into his first big fight and came out of it with a broken nose. He had bled all over the place, the red liquid just wouldn’t stop flowing not even after his brother had brought him home and they were all greeted with the sight of a bloody Ikuya.

Spartan had gone pale as a ghost, or so Nao told him as he offered him a piece of chocolate and told him to sit down. He should have felt terribly embarrassed to be the one being tended to when his friend was the one hurt, and he would have if it hadn’t been for Asahi…who had gone ahead and fainted right next to him. _At least I’m not the biggest baby around_

Ikuya hadn’t been able to hold it and let out a roaring laugh, only to regret it two seconds afterwards, he bent in half clutching at his stomach in pain; Nao had shaken his head and reassured them their friend would be fine, noses were bad bleeders and that was all.

Yes that was all… But Nao wasn’t there to give him a piece of chocolate and tell him so anymore. His vision became blurry as more memories of his friends flooded his mind; from the moment he had met them, to the last time he saw them, it fast forwarded like a broken movie, making it end too soon; they all left him too soon.

He still had Kisumi at least. _Kisumi…_ He was hit with the realization… he had failed him yet again. _So much for manning up and getting a decent pay._

First customer and the only “job” he got from Spartan was a nose one. The bastard had tried to get rough with him and he did what corralled animals always do. He hit back. He didn’t know which was worse, the fact that he was back where he started, or that he felt proud of the outcome.

He was long past the point of caring too. He was so tired. He felt so defeated. He could feel the fear still running through his veins. The humiliation of having to get in that car; the shame of failing; the anger at the bastard in the car, the anger at Kisumi for giving up to the shit fate that was picked for them, selling himself and acting like it wasn’t all that big of a deal, making him feel guilty for not thinking the same; and finally anger at the world that threw them all out like trash for others to walk on with disgust.

His vision blurred more but he wouldn’t cry, not out of pride - he didn’t think he had much left of that – he just couldn’t, he felt empty, and lost.

He looked to the sky, the city too bright to be able to tell any star. He was still not ready to go back “home”.

 _Home… just what is that?_   Endless blue filled his mind, and he snorted at the random thought. He let his head hit the wall as he closed his eyes. _As if…_


	12. Chapter 12

He froze. There at the bottom of the stairs was none other than the source of all his torments.

He tried his best to ignore the fact that having green eyes stare up at him from the bottom of those stairs felt familiar - too familiar to be fair - it hurt, and he couldn’t help it. He never thought he would ever see that sight again, and for the longest time seeing it was all he longed for.

Haru had soon discovered those things were the hardest to get over; the ones that truly made reality sink in. He never imagined accepting that someone was gone would be so difficult, that death could be such a strange concept to wrap your head around, it always seemed simple enough, yet...

He never thought his friend was gone, not when returning to the hotel room without him, not when returning back home; he didn’t feel his absence standing like a statue at Makoto’s funeral either; none of those things had felt real, none of those things really made any sense to him. 

It was during everyday moments; reaching the school gate and not seeing his smile greeting him, walking pass his house and knowing he wasn’t there, picking up his phone and having no messages - Makoto was the only one who even bothered to text him, everyone knew he never replied, but the brunette never cared, he knew Haru read them and that was enough for him - it was in those moments when the lack of Makoto’s presence hit him like a rock, it was then he understood what him being dead meant, and it meant he’d never get to see him again and that wasn’t negotiable.

Even when years had gone by, he found himself feeling betrayed when he opened the front door and found nothing staring back at him; and now, now it was a different sort of pang. It wasn’t the same set of eyes. He knew that, he had known that all along… So why was there a part of him that refused to accept that?

 What was Spartan even doing at his house? Looking at him pleadingly, why? He wanted to ask, he wanted to ask so many things and instead…

“How do you know where I live?” He could see the other’s eyes growing large, nervous. He hadn’t meant to accuse him, he regretted asking that question the second he realized how it hit the other; he was just curious… but it was too late.

“I… I was heading for the pet store when I saw you leave with the dog” Spartan looked at the animal that was wagging his tail excitedly, eyes fixed on his savior.

“I wanted to talk to you so I went after you… I didn’t mean to follow you home I swear, I just… I didn’t know how to approach you and then you arrived and your driver was here… and just...” He looked so nervous and it looked wrong on him.

“I was going to turn around and leave but then I thought… if I had come this far… it just, it didn’t feel right leaving just like that” _I see_

“Come inside” That sent the taller teen into a panic.

“No Haru, I just… I just wanted to talk to you there’s no need, I’ll make it brief” Haru tasked. He didn’t want to have whatever talk they were having in those god damn stairs of all places.

He didn’t give Spartan room to argue; he turned around and went inside, holding the door open impatiently. The other looked around to his sides, he seemed highly uncomfortable, it was as if he was waiting for a cop to jump from the bushes and arrest him just for existing in such a fancy place… maybe he was.  Finally he cursed under his breath and followed Haru inside, even if reluctantly. Haru lead them to the kitchen and didn’t look back as he put some water to boil.

“Tea? Or coffee?” He asked nonchalantly.

“I’m fine you don’t need to-“

“Tea or Coffe?” Haru shot him a glare and the other raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“You are incredibly stubborn” He was, and he took pride in it. Spartan sighed...

 “Tea is fine” Haru hummed and proceeded to make them some tea and some snacks, not without telling Spartan to stop standing around and take a seat already.

“You have a very nice house…” Haru had never cared much for small talk or obligatory compliments, but when Spartan was the one uttering them…

“Thanks” He laid everything on the table before finally joining. And now: the dreaded moment.

“What did you want to talk about?” Haru kept his eyes trained at the vapor coming out of his cup. His heart picked a pace as he waited for the brutal answer.

“I… it wasn’t really much of a talk, I just… I wanted to apologize for the other day”  His voice was quiet, hollow, hesitant. “You were so nice to me and I went and did that and I just… I feel very stupid; I could not have behaved worse”

When had he been nice to Spartan? And why was he the one apologizing? Haru was the one to run, and he was the one to not state his intentions… He never saw it as him being the damaged one. Though now he thought about it… Spartan had only kissed him out of obligation, not only was the kiss wrong… but it was also a lie. _Great Haru, you have managed to feel even worse about it._

“There’s nothing to apologize about… ” Haru finally looked up, and saw… his answer was not satisfactory at all to Spartan: he was frowning. He sighed; he guessed he needed to elaborate more.

“You were wrong to assume my intentions I suppose, but it was a logical assumption from what you had to work with. If you’re feeling bad about it, there’s no need to” Haru shrugged and expected that to be enough. Expected Spartan would feel absolved.

“Regardless of that, even if I had assumed right, it was wrong to act without asking first, it was wrong… but… I just, I don’t like owing things” There, if Haru needed any further convincing the kiss had just been a currency to the other teen… he didn’t anymore.

“I want to pay you… I know I don’t have any money but I will try to gather some, it might take a while but I will” _What?_

“I don’t want you to, you don’t have to, I only did it for the dog” Haru lied… and Spartan saw right through it.

“I don’t know why you did it but I know it wasn’t for the dog” Haru looked away and decided the tea was growing cold; the conversation was exhausting, and it was about to get worse.

“… Why did you do it Haru?” yet again that dreadful question. He closed his eyes. He owed Spartan an explanation he knew he did. “You don’t know me, you don’t want to know me and all you wanted was to get rid of me… I was just an annoyance to you so why? Why help me then?”

Such straightforwardness, such harsh words; it was unfair, now he felt guilty. Was that what Spartan thought he felt?

“I… I can’t give you the explanation you want I’m sorry…”  He had expected the other to complain but instead he got an apology yet again. It angered him.

“I didn’t mean to pry; you don’t have to tell me… I just… I guess that’s it. Thank you for the tea… I’ll find a way to pay you somehow” He hadn’t even touched the beverage.

“Will you find that way at the tunnels?” Haru’s eyes grew large as he realized what he had just asked. _Crap…_ where did _that_ come from? What got a hold of him to ask just an intrusive question? Especially after he himself refused to offer any answers. Spartan was completely taken aback, he had begun to rise and fell back to his seat.

“I… No. I don’t really work there” Haru couldn’t help feeling a wave of relief washing over him. He couldn’t deny the thought of Spartan having to submit himself to such a nightmare had been part of the reason that kept him up all these nights - along with his hormones, the kiss and the self hatred of course - Look at that… His indiscrete question paid off.

“I should though” The other said but seemed to regret it immediately for it was his turn to look surprised at his own words. Haru’s relief crashed to the ground and shattered like a vase. He frowned.

“Why would you say that?” He knew he was pushing his limits. Spartan didn’t owe him any information about himself, especially after Haru had already declined the offer once.

“My friend does, and that’s how I get food on my plate… it’s not fair only he has to” The boy seemed pained by his admission, Haru opened his mouth to say something but what was he supposed to answer to that? Spartan wasn’t finished though.

“I… I actually tried the other day, it was the first time I ever did, but I ended up in a fight with the guy before anything happened… I broke his nose” He grimaced but let out a sigh after the confession. Spartan finally took the mug in his hands; finally relaxing… maybe he needed to talk about it, maybe Haru’s intrusion wasn’t so out of order.

And he had to admit, he felt some wicked satisfaction at knowing Spartan had fought back, that he made the bastard pay. He had been so busy mixing Spartan with Makoto in his head lately that he forgot Spartan was not a small kid; he was stronger than Haru was, and toughened up from growing up in the streets. He could defend himself better than Makoto never could. He didn’t need Haru to save him. It made Haru feel rather embarrassed for ever feeling he did. Even then, it didn’t mean Spartan couldn’t be broken…Haru couldn’t help himself, he had to ask…

“Why can’t you find another job” He knew it was easy for him to talk, he never looked for a job, he never lacked any money; never went hungry for any reason other than laziness or stubbornness. He expected the other to point it out but instead he got a chuckle. He didn’t expect  _that_  at all.

“I’m not exactly good at anything, I’ve tried but no one wants to hire someone like me. We don’t have ids, we are underage and have no address; not many people would be willing to hire someone like that. Sometimes my friends and I find some part time jobs for a while, other times we gather stuff from the street; you know the saying, someone’s trash is another’s treasure” He shrugged. “It’s enough for food while it lasts; even to get some shitty place sometimes, we have to share with others of course, else there are always places that are open 24/7 that turn a blind eye if you spend there all night. But it doesn’t always work though, and that’s when we have to turn to more unsavory things... I don’t like any of the things I do to get money Haru, but I still do them, so I’m not going to pretend I do no wrong. Maybe there’s another way, I just don’t know it”

They grew silent, but it wasn’t the awkward silence it had been up until that moment. He was processing everything, Spartan had opened up to him and told him about his life; he wasn’t going to dismiss him. He had never pondered much about what it would be like to be by yourself and without money. He wasn’t going to pretend he would be able to understand what it was like but he wanted to at least even try.  And then… he got an idea despite himself.

“What about dog sitting?” Spartan raised an eyebrow, confused.

“I know nothing about dogs, I’ve never had a pet and I… I won’t even be able to take care of it the way you would so… why don’t you?” His heart was racing, a voice inside him was telling him to shut his mouth, to stop getting involved, to stop this pathetic attempt... and it sounded a lot like Rin. But… he was sure of this, he knew it was the right thing to do somehow, he knew if he didn’t he’d never be free.

Spartan’s mouth dropped open, but it was too late, Haru saw a light sparking in his eyes and he knew he could win this even if the other put some resistance.

“Haru… that’s… I don’t understand” the other let a frustrated sigh. “I would ask why you want to help me so much but I know you won’t answer me” Haru bit his lip.

“I’m the one who needs help, so it’s not me helping you, it’s just a job, If you don’t want it I’d have to hire someone else” Haru shrugged “…but I think it’s best if you do it” He looked to the side and tried his best not to blush, there was nothing embarrassing about what he had said, but somehow… he couldn’t help thinking the other would see right through him. Spartan had his eyes fixed on his and he seemed to be at least considering the offer.

“Would you… maybe one day… be able to tell me the real reason?” Haru closed his eyes, it was fair enough.

“I’ll try” that was the best he could offer.

“Ok then… boss” Spartan said so with a coy smile looking down to his lap and Haru started regretting it already. How was he going to separate the two boys in his head when green eyes smiled at him like that? But he had to try; he’d already gotten involved with Spartan even if for the wrong reasons, it was too late to back out of it. He just needed to learn to see Spartan for who he was and not for whom he looked like.

“Don’t call me that” And then maybe they could both be free.

“Ok… Haru it is then” _Or maybe not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, please comment!! (pretty please) I accept angry curses as comments don't worry! :P  
> No but in all seriousness any opinion or suggestion is welcome.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I doubt anyone is still reading this, but well.. here it is, I'm the worst updater in history. But I really want to finish this, more out of stubbornness than anything, so even if at snail pace, I will!

Haru finally plopped down in his bed with a content sigh. It was strange, he couldn’t remember the last time he went to bed feeling like his day hadn’t been just a pointless conclusion of waking up. He couldn’t exactly describe what the rusted feeling was, it wasn’t the freedom he always sought after but it was similar, like returning home after a good swim except… this was better.

 Before his heavy eyes got the best of him he went through the day events one last time, still with the same amazement and disbelief as the previous times. Just that morning he had felt so conflicted, so helpless and full of regret, and now… now he had been given a chance to fix that. He and Spartan could be friends.

 Spartan had helped him settle everything for the dog before he left, not wasting a minute to start his new job. Haru could see the other teen was excited about it and that was very reassuring to him. The other boy had asked him if he had any tools to set up the premade wooden dog house Nagisa’s sister had insisted on him buying.

  _“It the Dogzcribz 9000! The last in the market, it’s really spacious and comfortable and it’s made of top notch materials!! Take it Haru take it!”_ He wasn’t sure if the woman just really wanted the best for her patients or she just wanted to sell her overpriced goods to a helpless Haru, either way, he went along with all her suggestions.

 He brought the tool box to Spartan, who asked him if there was a good spot on his back yard for it.

“Shouldn’t it be inside the house?” Haru truly didn’t know anything about keeping a dog, but he didn’t want to be a cruel owner and exile him to the cruel exterior either. Spartan found it amusing somehow.

 “Haru-chan worries about his doggie”

  _This bastard!_

“Do not add ch..” He stopped mid sentence, it was such a natural response that for a second it felt like it was five years ago and he was arguing with Makoto all over again. It was all for naught if he let himself fall into old habits. He opted for scoffing and turning his head to the side instead. _Like that was any better._

 “There there… it’s an outside dog house, plus he’s an outside dog, he’s lived all his life free, I don’t think being confined to a house would do him any good” Haru guessed it made sense, and he wasn’t about to argue either since he was still busy pouting. “It should be fine unless it gets really cold”

He showed Spartan to the back yard and the boy proceeded to set up the house. He hadn’t truly believed Spartan when he said he had no talent, but well… craftsmanship was definitely not one he possessed. He had looked so confident when he took the hammer and nails yet he only avoided nailing his finger to the wooden surface by a hair. Haru swallowed back a chuckle.

 After ten minutes of frustrated attempts in which Spartan wasn’t able to put any two pieces together Haru finally deiced to step in.

 “You… I can do this, maybe you should feed him”  Spartan looked like he was going to fight it for a second, ready to defend his ego, but he let out a sigh instead.

 “Good idea” Spartan dragged his feet defeated and went to pet the dog.

 Haru set the house up in a matter of minutes; it wasn’t really that hard, he didn’t even need the instructions.

 “Whoa… Haru is really amazing at hand work!” Spartan and the dog had been watching him mesmerized from the corner, they both had the same expectant look, the same titled head, and if Spartan had dog ears Haru was sure they would be playfully perking as well. He turned around to hide the blush that crept up his cheeks.

After they finished setting everything up for the dog, they worked a schedule for the next few days. Spartan would come every day after Haru left school and walk the dog, feed it and whatever else it needed. As Spartan said his goodbyes to the dog and then to Haru, he couldn’t help feeling eager for tomorrow’s school day… ending.

 

The sky was filled with dark clouds, bringing the night sooner; Haru looked up feeling a bit dizzy when contemplating the big space up above; it would start raining again soon, surely. Unlike the weather, days had gone by rather smoothly, and even though it had only been a week, it felt like their new routine was a long established one. It was a dangerous thought, and somewhere in the back of Haru’s head, an alarm rang every two seconds of each interaction between them. He brushed it off as paranoia most of the times, it would just need some getting used to, getting to know Spartan for who he was, and then, he wouldn’t feel like….

 “Earth to Haru” a playful voice called to him as a shoulder nudged his own. Haru had to go to the store for groceries and Spartan decided to go along and walk the dog while they were at it.

 “What were you thinking of?” The other boy sounded cheerful, as he loosened his grip on the leash to allow the dog more freedom.

 “Nothing”

 “I bet it was water again, Are you sure you’re not part fish?” The shameless laughter that followed helped to remind him this boy wasn’t his childhood friend. He didn’t deign himself to answer. It didn’t matter, for the other went on.

 “That would be troubling since it would make you a serial cannibal” He pointed at Haru’s stack of Mackerel tightly packed in the grocery bags he carried.

 “fish eat other fish all the time” He retorted annoyed.

 “Are you admitting to being a fish then?”

 “I didn’t say that” Spartan took a hand to his chin in a gesture of fake pondering. 

 “Hmm I’d have to see for myself”

 “How?” He knew Spartan was toying with him, but he distrusted anyway.

 “Take off your shirt an expose your gills or... lack of” Haru blushed and turned away, was this guy serious, saying things like that so casually?

 “Sorry sorry, you don’t have to sulk” the playful tone was still present. Haru just hummed and they made the rest of the way to his house in comfortable silence; their steps falling into a rhythm, synching to a gentle pace.

Once they got there Spartan took the dog to the back yard and then helped Haru unpack the groceries, he sat and watched as Haru proceeded to make dinner. It was part of their routine now, Spartan would have dinner with Haru every night and then they would have some tea and watch something on tv or play videogames.

 Spartan was so mesmerized by the games, he had found a couple of Haru’s old ones and he looked so curious, even somewhat shy when he asked him if he could try them. Haru hadn’t touched those in a long time, sometimes they would play when Nagisa came for a visit - well Nagisa would at least - He used to play when it was Rin who was visiting, just for the thrill of competition; however that always turned bitterly reminiscent very fast, so they had to learn to stay away from such things; sometimes staying away altogether.

 Spartan said he had played games before but not very often; he seemed to like them a lot, enough to make him look like a kid discovering them for the first time every time Haru plugged the console and the screen came alive.

 While his eyes were trained on the food he was cooking, behind him, Spartan was sitting by the table trying to decide what they would play that night. He could hear the soft thumps of clashing plastic of the boy going through his scarce game collection. Surprisingly the boy wasn’t very loud when he wasn’t talking, yet those small sounds alone, were so welcomed by his noise-starved house.

 “Haru is a very good cook” Even after seven days, Spartan kept making the same comment as he devoured the food in front of him like a hungry wolf. _The dog has more manners_

 “It’s not a big deal”

 “No need to be modest, though it’s weird that you even know how, a rich kid….” Spartan cut himself off, and looked at Haru fearing to have offended him. “I didn’t mean it like that; it’s just… when you can have people do things for you it’s rare you would want to do them yourself”

 “I don't like people getting on my business” Haru replied nonchalantly, not taking his eyes away from his plate. It was only when he was met with silence that he noticed what he said could be taken the wrong way. “I meant I don’t like depending on people to do things I can do myself”

 Spartan lowered his eyes for a second, Haru thought he looked regretful… yet almost immediately he relaxed and smiled, only for said smile to turn mischievous the very next second.

 “You mean like taking care of your dog?” _Touché_

 “That’s different” He said defensively.

 “How?”

 “I can’t do it myself” Spartan chuckled at that.

 “Well I’m happy you can’t” And there it was that warm smile again. The rest of the meal went by quietly.

 After they finished and did the dishes they settled at the couch to play the videogame Spartan had chosen; it was some racing game Nagisa had bought for him a few years ago.  Haru always beat the taller teen at it, but he still insisted on playing.

 “I’ll get better and I’ll win, just wait and see” Haru really didn’t see how, he was really bad at it.  After playing for a while and winning every single race, he retired and let the other boy play against the machine.

 “Hey Haru… can I ask you something?”

 “Hmm”

 “Why do you… live alone?” Haru widened his eyes, now that he thought of it, they had never discussed it; it felt silly not telling the boy he wouldn’t have to worry about his parents disapproving since they weren’t even there.

 “My parents live in another city, because of my father’s work”

 “Oh I see… what does your father do?” Spartan’s arms rested on his knees as he held the controller tightly; a sight of pure concentration. He was basically moving his whole body along with the car, as if that could help him.

 “He’s a corrupt politician” The other boy turned his head to Haru and blinked a few times, the car in the video game crashed against a wall and burned. Spartan seemed to not know whether to laugh at the presumed joke or take it seriously, Haru’s tone often had that effect on people.

 “Is that your idea of a joke?” _Yes, but that is beside the point._

 “It is the truth”

 “Oh… well that’s just awful”

 “Uhum…  your car is burning”

 “Damn damn! I was so close to winning too!” _Close to being a lap behind everyone else_

Spartan took off his bandana and ruffled his hair in frustration. Haru wished he wouldn’t do that, it made the oxygen levels of the room drop dangerously; he had to look away.

 “haa, well I guess I should feed the dog and get going before it starts raining” Haru only nodded and watched him go, not really meaning to, he was only staring off into his general direction, yes…  _that’s what he was doing._

 “Well Haru, see you tomorrow then, thank you for the food” Spartan bowed and turned to walk to the front door. Before Haru could say his goodbyes however, a booming roar interrupted him, making the other teen jump. It was too late; the bad weather was quicker than Spartan and a slight drizzle became a downpour in a matter of seconds.

“Awww man, I didn’t want to get wet again”

 “Why don’t you stay?” _Wait, what? Damn it!_  Once again his mouth proved to have a mind of its own.

 “What?!” the other boy looked at him as if he had asked him for a spare kidney.

 “Just… there is plenty of room, I don’t mind… since it’s raining”

 “I wouldn’t… that’s too much Haru you don’t have to, I was only joking I really don’t mind, it’s only ra-IIN“ another thunder - this time louder - made the whole house vibrate, causing the taller boy to jump again, voice included. Haru couldn’t help a snort.

 “I’ll show you to the guest room” Spartan looked at Haru and back to the window, and back to Haru a few times before finally sighing.

 “Alright then” Haru knew he would give in, but hearing it out loud hit him with realization, Spartan was staying over. He had to turn around to hide the blood camping on his cheeks.

 “Haru…” He turned his head a little, not enough to give his embarrassment away but enough to show he was listening. Spartan’s voice went down several decibels, threading dangerously in the whisper territory.

_“Thank you” Turn away! Turn away!_

“…H-hmm” It was going to be a long night.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write this many times but it was hard getting back on the mood, I tried re reading the whole fic to get inspired and was horrified instead. So instead I retouched (more like rearranged and added some little things) the whole thing and eventually this came out.  
> I honestly don't even know what this is anymore...

 

 

“It’s been a week already Spar! You’re really not going to tell me where you are going and what you are doing to earn money? After all the years we’ve been together, after all we’ve been through?! I’m offended!” Kisumi put all the fake hurt he could into his voice. Spartan knew better than to fall for it, but he also knew his friend tended to mask the truth with unbelievable amounts of truth. It was his ultimate move, so effective that people never saw it coming.

“I told you it’s no big deal; I’m just dog sitting for a guy, nothing to be worried about” He was busy rubbing a wet piece of fabric vigorously across his old worn out shoes.  
Kisumi sighed and plopped down on the makeshift bed next to him, resting his head on his hands and looking almost angelical; that was, if Spartan hadn’t known better.

“So is this guy cute? Do you like him?” His shoe danced in his hands as he tried his best to catch it mid air. “Oh a non verbal answer! The most honest kind” Kisumi stuck his tongue out.

“It wasn’t an answer! You caught me off guard! And what kind of question was that anyway?!” He tried his best not to blush but the unforgiving trademark smirk of his friend was already there.

“You do like him, don’t try to hide it! I knew it! Spa has a crush! Why else would you try to scrub your crappy shoes anew every single day before meeting him? So... how old is he? Don’t tell me he’s like a sugar daddy or something” Gross, so gross. Why was he friends with Kisumi again?

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer” He tried his best to look stern and unyielding, much like Haru always did; the difference was, it looked natural on Haru, on him not so much.

“Boo you’re no fun. Whatever, you can keep your mystery man a mystery for a little longer, but with the money you’re bringing... I might just have enough free time on my hands to follow you to work and see for myself”

He almost answered “you wouldn’t” but he knew Kisumi would, he truly would. He couldn’t be mad at his friend though, he knew deep down under all the teasing Kisumi was just worried. But there was nothing to worry about. For the first time in his life he had a good job, one he liked and if that had a lot to do with his employer well, he didn’t really want to think too much about it just yet.

“What have you been up to while I’m gone anyway?” He thought changing the subject was probably the best idea at the moment. He hadn’t expected his friend to be caught off guard by such a simple question though.

“Oh, not much. Hanging around at the café, going round the park, the usual” Kisumi tried his best to look nonchalantly, swinging his legs up playfully; but he had seen it for a second, that face kids make when they are hiding something.

“Is that all? Nothing worth mentioning?”

“Nope” He wasn’t going to pry further than that. He respected his friend’s privacy - and he knew it wouldn’t lead anywhere anyway - but something was definitely up; if only for the vague reply instead of a “why do you ask?”

It was almost time for his “mystery man” to leave school so Kisumi’s own mystery would have to wait. He said goodbye to his friend and left the shared room they called home, ready for a new day with Haru.

Life could be so strange when he thought about it; less than two weeks ago he had fallen asleep - hungry and lost - after “meeting” Haru for the first time on the exact spot he was now waiting for him to get off school.

At the time he had thought Haru was put on this world to taunt him. It was like Haru’s job was to point out to him how much of a loser he was; from interrupting his attempts on the train during that fateful night, to seemingly dismissing him as human trash the next day. But not only that, Haru’s very existence had felt like a slap on his face. He had looked so perfect, so graceful and majestic - _so pretty_ \- it made him feel like a dirty peasant who crossed paths with royalty and had an epiphany about just how much of a dirty peasant he was.

He knew he had been wrong now; Haru wasn’t what he thought at all. He had unfairly painted him as a snobbish rich kid who had everything and still acted like the world owed him more. It was unfair to think Haru had everything - a bright future ahead, a loving family, tons of friends - after all he didn’t know him at all, and even if he had all those things, it wouldn’t mean he was a bad person.

It was true he didn’t truly know Haru all that well yet, but he did know the boy had had every right to be pissed off when they first met; even then he didn’t write him off as the loser that he had declared himself as. However much under protest, Haru didn’t kick him to the curb when he found him lying on rock bottom.

Somehow, it didn’t feel like the other boy cared about his background, he didn’t seem to treat him any differently because of it. He still didn’t understand his strange new friend – he didn’t know if he was allowed call him that already, but he wanted to- he didn’t know why Haru had decided to get involved with his mess of a life.

He could tell boy was a very genuine person with a good heart; and he could also tell he was lonely, perhaps more than he was.

Most of the school kids had left school already, but he knew Haru stayed to swim at the school’s pool after class. He wasn’t supposed to wait for him, not originally, but he didn’t feel comfortable waiting by his house alone – that street made him feel all sorts of wrong – but the real reason was: he secretly enjoyed walking back home with him.

It didn’t matter if he didn’t understand why the boy could affect him so much and so easily. It didn’t matter if he didn’t understand Haru’s motives, or if he didn’t know much about him; he felt like he knew the most important thing there was to know: Haru was a person worth getting to know, and that wasn’t an opinion, it was a fact.

He saw the now familiar silhouette slowly but steadily approaching him, bag on shoulder, gaze fixed and expression stoic. He felt a warm wave of excitement wash over him, pulling his lips up in an unavoidable smile.

Even if he had to navigate through uncharted seas of silences, one worded answers, and expressionless faces to earn himself the title of being his friend, he was ready. Haru reached out to him when he was drowning so now it was his turn to dive. Whatever the reason was for Haru to be so lonely, Spartan vowed he would put an end to it.

“Had a good swim?”

“It was too crowded” He tried to suppress a laugh but he couldn’t contain the chuckle. Haru just looked to the side unimpressed.

“Ready to go home?” The blue eyed just began walking as a form of answer. He picked up a pace and Spartan followed. It was nice how comfortable asking those words and walking side by side felt already. It was nice how when they arrived, they were greeted by an excited bark, he couldn’t help but think how much he identified with the now full of life and cheerful dog.

They took him for a walk when they went grocery shopping and then Haru made dinner. He was truly an amazing cook – even if most of his dishes were mackerel based – there was something about having a home cooked meal he couldn’t explain.

They played some video games afterwards; it was his favorite part of his workday. He especially liked racing games, he was terrible at them - so much he didn’t really put that much effort anymore - but Haru’s blue eyes lit up with a spark when they played against each other. He was sure Haru didn’t know he was betraying his stoic mask when they competed, it was subtle, but it was there.

Haru won all races of course, and he settled at playing with the machine in the end. He knew his companion was amusing himself at his disastrous performance so losing wasn’t that bad.  
He liked finding out small things like that about Haru, but there was a bigger question that had been eating away at him for a while. He had been trying to find the right time to ask. He figured being a lap behind everyone else was about right.

“Hey Haru… can I ask you something?” The other boy seemed relaxed so he hoped he would be able to get a few words out of him.

“Hmm” Well, not a great start.

“Why do you… live alone?” He couldn’t answer that one with a guttural sound at least.

“My parents live in another city, because of my father’s work” Ok he wasn’t expecting a straight forward simple answer, they were making progress! He felt so proud.

“Oh I see… what does your father do?” He wondered if he was pushing his luck...

“He’s a corrupt politician” Wait what? Was Haru just messing with him all along?

“Is that your idea of a joke?”

“It is the truth” _Oh_. Haru was probably the most straightforward no-bullshit kind of guy he’d ever known. He’d known many guys who acted as such on the streets but, it was just that, an act.

Well that was enough for tonight. His car was burning - as Haru so politely pointed out - He would better get going; the weather wasn’t going to hold up much longer.

He fed the doggie, ruffled his fur goodnight and then said goodbye to Haru... or at least he tried, because thunder cut him off. _Great_. He didn’t want the other boy to see the scaredy cat he became during storms. He was a street guy damn it, it was bad enough Kisumi teased him for it; no one else needed to know his kryptonite, _well one of the many at least._

He was so busy worrying about giving his weaknesses away that what Haru said next took him completely off guard.

“Why don’t you stay?” Might as well be another thunder, maybe that’s what it was, he had to have misheard.

“Just… there is plenty of room, I don’t mind… since it’s raining” Apparently he hadn’t. He tried to argue, it was too much for him to accept. He wouldn’t deny the idea was tempting, not just because going out during a downpour was discouraging enough, but because the prospect of spending more time with Haru was always exciting.

It was pointless, he had already given up the second Haru asked; and Haru seemed to know it. He was so weak.  
He agreed without much protest and the boy told him he’d show him the guest room but once they were before the door he stopped dead on his tracks. Had he changed his mind? Blue eyes turned around looking alarmed.

“The dog is outside in the storm!” Spartan couldn’t help a small laugh. It was really cute how much Haru worried.

“It’s alright he’s not getting wet, that’s what the dog house is for”

“But... he didn’t like the thunder” _Was that a pout?_ Now _that_ was cute!

“Well he’d probably make a mess if we get him inside, but... it’s your house so... your call?” Haru didn’t seem to ponder much about it.

“I’ll grab a towel to get dry him, help me get him in”

Haru was right the dog was curled into a ball on the back of his house, he really hated thunder as much as he did. Spartan wrapped him in a towel and got him inside; once safe Haru proceeded to dry him properly. He was so gentle when handling the dog; he was very graceful and calm about everything he did, from putting the dog house together to picking up groceries to cooking; but there was somehow even extra care in his movements then.

“The dog is really lucky you decided to adopt him” The words just flowed out of him casually, it was what he was thinking and they were harmless enough; he didn’t expect them to surprise the other boy though. Haru’s blues had widened as he actually looked back at him, before quickly looking back to the animal.... _blushing._

_Thump. Thump._

“I wouldn’t know about that” That had to be some sort of monstrous achievement, screw videogame racing, making Haru blush was where it's at. He wondered if he would be able to do it again; if maybe one day he would even be able to do it willingly. _You’re getting a bit too greedy Spar._

“Are you going to let him lose downstairs? Or do we wait for the rain to stop and take him back?”

“It’s probably not going to stop” Haru paused and looked doubtful.

“I can keep him upstairs with me if you’d like. He’s pretty well behaved and he’d be less scared if he’s not alone” So will I.

“You wouldn’t mind?” Haru perked up at his suggestion.

“No, plus it’s my job” He pointed at himself with an ear to ear smile. Maybe he was getting full of himself but he could swear he saw the corners of Haru’s mouth lift a little. _Damn, so greedy._

“Ok, let’s go. I didn’t really show you to your room earlier”

The room in question was pretty nice. It was plain, there was only a bed a desk with a chair and a closet, but it was bigger than any bedroom he had ever slept on.

“Wow it’s so neat, I feel bad disturbing it. You sure we can stay here?” He got a _tsk_ as reply. He ought to get used to the idea Haru didn’t change his mind easily.

“There are clean sheets on the closet, I’ll help you set up” He would have said there was no need, but he knew he’d get a second _tsk_.

“Thanks Haru, again...” Well that got him at least an _hmm._

They made the bed and threw some cushions on the floor for the dog. Spartan would have gladly shared the bed but it wasn’t his house. Thunders still roared outside but knowing they weren’t at its mercy, both the dog and he willfully ignored them.

“You haven’t given him a name yet right?” The doggie perked up his ears at that, he had come to rest his head on Spartan’s knee when had sat down on the bed.

“I’m not good with names”

“I could help you” Haru nodded in approval, and quietly sat down on the bed. Not too close, not too far.

“How about Kouki? I like the sound of it” Haru just shrugged at his suggestion.

“It’s fine by me” Spartan chuckled; simple name for a simple dog, for a simple owner.

“How about you? Do you like it Kouki?” The dog gave him a neutral look. He guessed the jury was going to deliberate for a while longer. He ruffled _Possibly-Kouki’s_ fur as the distant storm sound had turned into a pleasant background melody now.

“This actually brings back memories.” He wasn’t sure if he should just start rambling about his life, but Haru’s curious look told him it was ok. “We used to have a kitty who was terrified of thunder too, so I kept him in my hoodie’s pocket and he usually fell asleep there... I’d worry he’d suffocate but he seemed to love it.” He felt warm thinking back of the good times, for a long time it felt they were just memories of the past and he’d never get such feelings again but, maybe now...

“We?” Haru’s curiosity was visible in his tone. It made Spartan feel giddy for some reason.

“The friends I used to live with when I was younger” He laid back on the bed, resting on his elbows; Kouki resting between his feet. Haru’s eyes said he wanted to ask more.

“The guy you were with on the train, peach head, is that one of them?” He couldn’t help to erupt into noisy laughter this time. _Peach head. Kisumi would die._

“Yeah, his name is Kisumi, he’s a cool guy. He’s the only one of the gang that still remains though... but there used to be a few of us” He wondered if he should dread the next question, he couldn’t complain, he had basically set it up. But should he answer it?

“What happened?” Maybe it was too much, too soon.

“They all left somehow or another. Mostly depressing stuff so not much worth talking about. But three of them are actually doing ok now” He felt an urge to continue, he felt comfortable right there with Haru; he felt like opening up a bit, it had been long since he had.

“This boy named Ikuya, he was my age; he and his brother lived with his dad until he lost his job. His dad tried his best but they eventually had to move to the lousy dump where we all met. His dad disappeared for long periods of time, he still sent them money for rent and stuff, but it was just them most of the time and they moved in with us” He stopped for a second hesitant. He didn’t want to say more than Haru wanted to hear. But the boy urged him on with a silent look of interest.

“Ikuya was pretty close to this girl Satomi; her mother was a red district worker I think -I’m not sure, she never really talked about it, understandably -Well one day her mom left for another city, taking Satomi with her. And she was gone, just like that. Ikuya didn’t take it very well... he wasn’t very stable at that time. Eventually he and his brother left too. Things didn’t look very promising so we just assumed the worst. But I found out pretty recently they are living with their dad; he apparently got a secure job again and they seem to be doing fine. I think Ikuya’s engaged to Satomi. Kinda crazy”

He left out the bit where he found out thanks to the internet and hadn’t really contacted them, he just stalked them on social media. He didn’t really feel like he could face them yet, not knowing if they even wanted to remember him and the old times.

“So you only lived with other kids?” Hearing Haru’s voice after his outburst of conversation was reassuring.

“Some of them still had parents or guardians, but Nao, Kisumi and I were on our own”

“Nao?”

“He was the one who picked me up and gave me a place to stay when I was still a snot faced brat, He was probably like 17 at the time” He smiled at the memory. He had been such a terrified awkward boy. Nao had taken one look at him and saw him like a baby bird fallen from its nest. Had Nao not taken pity on him, he definitely wouldn’t be there with Haru now.

“How old were you?”

“About thirteen probably” He shrugged; he wasn’t really sure how old he was then, nor ever. But Haru didn’t need to know that, not yet at least.

“So Nao...” Haru seemed to be trying to decide if he should ask more or not.

“He died” There was no point in beating around the bush. He was the one who brought the subject up, but he reckoned he had been talking long enough. He was lost in thought for a bit and didn’t register Haru’s strange reaction right away.

“Sorry I asked” His voice was small, emotionless. Spartan didn’t like that sound at all.

“No, I brought the subject up... so don’t worry. But let’s better talk of something else” He panicked. Maybe he had overwhelmed Haru with too much personal information.

“We should get some sleep. I’d probably have to go to school tomorrow” Haru had gotten up, making Spartan’s blood freeze. He had screwed up, he was an idiot, _he was too greedy._ Also... what had Haru meant by probably?

“Ok, thanks again Haru. I’m sorry for the inconvenient” It was his voice's turn to come out smaller than usual, he masked it well though.

Haru tsked and just told him that if he happened to need anything, he only needed to ask.

Before the school boy retreated to his room he paused and stayed still as if frozen in the doorframe.

Spartan held his breath and stared expectant at Haru’s back. He was so tense and the room so silent that when Haru spoke he almost startled him.

“Thanks for telling me... about your past... Good night” And just like that, he was gone.

Spartan was sure his heart had all but stopped for a second. Haru’s face had been hidden from his sight but the backs of his ears were red. He had done it; he’d made Haru blush again. He didn’t know if he could count it as a victory this time though... not when his own face was completely flushed and his heart beat like a crazed train.

“Goodnight Haru” He whispered as he let himself fall back on the bed.

Alone in the boy’s guest room, staring at the immaculate ceiling with only possibly-Kouki to witness, he admitted that Kisumi had very high chances of being right.

_He had feelings for Haru._

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's been a year since I updated, I had no idea it had been that long. Had a lot of trouble writing this. Had to re start about 3 times and I'm very much unhappy at how it turned out, but if I keep fretting about it I wont ever post anything, and I do STILL firmly intend on finishing this fic, even if it takes forever, and even if it doesn't come out as well as I had hoped. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who took the time to comment, I really really appreciate it. I'm sorry I can't write consistently, but your comments always reminds me I don't want to give up on it!

 

_“He died”_

He’d been sitting on his bed for what felt an eternity, waiting for the storm in his chest to subside.

He could still see the wonder in Makoto’s eyes when he closed his own. “Haru-chan is so brave” he’d say, though more often than not he didn’t utter a word, his gaze was enough. Haru always shrugged and dismissed it. Makoto had many fears and he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. He didn’t think he was special for not being afraid either, yet to Makoto he was.

The way his friend’s usual upturn eyebrows would furrow, looked wrong on his face, so Haru always did whatever he could to make whatever scared the younger boy go away; anything to bring that bright smile back where it belonged. At first, that was the only reason he’d stand between Makoto and his fears; but the way his friend would seek for him, would look at him with admiration and gratitude afterwards, made him happy. There was something comforting in knowing it was him who Makoto relied on, it was a role he took very seriously and it made him proud, even if secretly.

_“He died”_

He didn’t feel proud now. He had run away like a coward, all because of two words. What exactly had he feared? That Spartan would randomly ask “hey, since we’re talking about dead friends, do you have any?”

He bit his knuckles in frustration, his heartbeat was undeniable, it was inescapable from.

He was terrified.

It wasn’t an absurd hypothetical question what made him flee like he did; it was the fact that it had been the perfect moment to come clean, to tell Spartan his real motives, to finally talk about Makoto.

And he couldn’t.

 _“Just what did you expect?”_   Rin’s voice came to aid his troubles yet again _. “That you’d pick him up from the street along the dog, and everything would be fine. The credits would roll and it would say: And they lived happily ever after. This is only just starting, and you are already chickening out. How can you ever tell him the truth, when you can’t even be honest to yourself?”_

“Shut up, what do you even know?” Haru retorted annoyed at his friend, but Rin was still in Australia and he still didn’t have anything to do with his mess.

The mind mirage was right though; it was both too early and too late to be regretting it. If it hadn’t been obvious at first, it definitely became clear when Spartan granted him permission to know about his life... he was a part of it now.

 It had been so long since he had allowed himself to feel responsible for anything, avoiding everything that required anything out of him, dismissing it as too much effort and retreating back to a safer distance. Caring about someone... it’s not like he didn’t, he just gave up on thinking he could be of any good to anyone; he didn’t want anyone to put expectations on him, that just set him up to fail.

He felt stupid now, he thought he understood all the implications, but it was just dawning on him. He placed himself in Spartan’s life and offered the boy help and hope...  he promised him he would come to clean with him, eventually, what if he couldn’t deliver?

Sparan might not ever use it against him if he failed him, but he’d know, he’d always know, because he already knew it all too well. 

The tide in his chest rose and fell with more violence now; crashing against his sides, threatening to overflow. And then he remembered Nagisa’s sister’s words

 _“Just like the dog, that boy needs a warm home_ ”

He knew it was crazy and out of place to think he could give him that, but at least wanted to help him find one. Spartan didn’t deserve to be deserted by life like he had been, no one did, he had already decided that however murky his own motives could be, it didn’t change that.

Nothing had changed from his initial resolve, so why, why was he so insecure all of a sudden?  All he needed to do was remind himself that however much unprepared he could be for it, however much Spartan deserved a better friend, he was better than nothing. Trying was better than nothing.

His heart beat slowed as the angry waters in his soul seemed to calm down.

Maybe Spartan didn’t need to know about Makoto. Maybe he didn’t deserve to come clean, to have Spartan absolve him. Maybe all he had to do was just help him...

... And then set him free.  

His heartbeat became eerily quiet then, with a hurtful halt.  

 

He awoke the next morning to the alarming smell of something burning; he was so tired it took him a while to muster the will to check out the source. Following a cloud of smoke he descended the stairs to be welcomed by a sight that was foreseeable but still surprised him.

Spartan was panicking, pan still in hand as he carefully poured glass after glass of water over it. It took the boy a while to realize not only Haru was awake but standing next to him and awaiting an explanation; when he did, he dropped the pan in the sink with a high pitched yelp.

“I... Haru... you’re awake! I mean... good morning!” Haru blinked a few times and eyed the pan, Spartan followed his eyes and begun stuttering “ I... I almost burnt down your kitchen I’m so sorry”

Haru shrugged dismissively; he was still too sleepy to care, and he had to admit... it was mildly amusing.

“it’s alright, but if you were hungry there’s always food in the fridge, you could just use the microwave to heat it up”

“Ah... is that so...” Spartan scratched his cheek sheepishly. Haru frowned confused, he looked to the contents of the pan more attentively now.  

“Wait was that... my... mackerel?” He couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach... his precious breakfast!  

“I’m sorry I wanted to make breakfast as a thank you for letting me stay last night! I thought since I’ve seen you do it before, it looked so simple, I didn’t know fish could be flammable!”

_Spartan... tried to make me breakfast._

He supposed he could always buy more mackerel; he turned around with the excuse to reach for a cabinet, his cheeks flaring.

“I’ll clean it up...” he bit his lip and ducked his head to hide his eyes as best as he could, even if he was turning his back to the boy, it wasn’t enough “you didn’t have to, but... thank you... for trying”

“Ah! No, I.. I can clean it! It’s my mess, I’m sure I won’t set anything on fire if it’s just cleaning! haha” Spartan’s voice came out louder than Haru expected, he seemed embarrassed as well, it reassured him.

He didn’t feel like continuing an awkward conversation so he wasn’t about to argue, turning around he saw an extended hand awaiting the cleaning supplies.  “Maybe... maybe you could teach me sometimes, so you don’t have to cook every night” The taller teen’s voice was calmer now, dangerously quiet, just like the night before when he thanked him. His mind flashed to the events of the pet store, how Spartan had tried to _thank him_ then.

“uhm sure.. I better go get ready for school” Haru handed him the supplies unceremoniously and rushed back to his room.

 

He closed the door and rested his head against it, taking his hand to his chest so he could feel his heart trying to pierce through his t-shirt. Closing his eyes for a second he allowed himself to ponder... how _good_ it would be if they...

_Forget it, help him and set him free remember?_

His body became stiff, heavy, the wood against his back felt harsh.

He let himself fall on the floor. Maybe he had been right all along, maybe Spartan showing up in his life was just his karma; for kicking that ball, for hoping Makoto couldn’t find it, for not going after it himself. Maybe it was a second chance, but not to regain something that was lost, but just... to not make the same mistakes.

He couldn’t keep denying the possibility he would never be able to stop seeing Makoto in Spartan’s eyes, and if that was the case... he couldn’t hold on to any ideas of staying in the boy’s life permanently.

He folded his arms on his knees, and hid his face inside.

He couldn’t be selfish this time; he couldn’t think of doing things for himself, he had to do what was best for the other boy. Spartan still had a chance.

He really needed a bath.

 

It was rude to lock himself in his bath and just leave his friend alone in the kitchen; he knew that, he also knew he couldn’t just ditch school with Spartan around. He had to face him at some point. If he started running away already, then there was no way he could ever accomplish his goal. But... he just needed some time, to sort his feelings, to mourn the impending end of his new friendship... accept his own decision.

There was a knock at the door, followed by a pause.

“Haru... are you alright? I’m really sorry about your mackerel... ” Haru looked at the door and smiled sadly, he was making Spartan worry.

“I made some toasts as an apology... I didn’t burn anything this time don’t worry” That actually pulled a real smile out of him.

“I’ll be right there... thank you”  

He sunk under the water one last time before draining the bath. He stood naked watching the water level diminishing, leaving his legs uncovered until he could only feel the it in his toes.

 _You can do this Haru, it will be fine._ A warm voice he’d almost forgotten whispered gently in his head. His eyes watered a bit, it was the first time he heard it in a very long time.

It gave him the strength he needed.

 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting” He found Spartan on the back yard, petting the dog. He had panicked a bit when he couldn’t find him on the kitchen or his room.

“It’s alright, I was a bit worried I upset you, but I know you like to soak” the other boy said with a chuckle

“I’m not upset, sorry... for making you worry” Haru looked to his feet.

Spartan shook his head “You don’t need to apologize so much, not with me” and gave him a bright smile. “Besides I used the time to feed possibly Kouki”

“Possibly... Kouki?” Spartan gave a hearty laugh at that.

“Well he doesn’t seem so keen on the name yet, so it’s up for suggestions!”

“Don’t expect one from me”

“I expected as much” Spartan’s tone was playful, a smile always quick to show up. It made all the heavy feelings he carried seem so weightless. “Ah... you should get to school already! You will be late”

“Hmm... let’s go”

Spartan looked at him surprised.

“What about your driver? Wouldn’t it be faster?”  

“You can come along, he can drop you off”

“Thank you, but I like walking”

Haru was slightly disappointed, he oddly wanted to spend more time with Spartan now, but at the same time, perhaps it was for the best. They walked outside and descended the steps together, Haru headed towards the car awaiting him on his left. Before turning right and start heading his way, Spartan called out to him.

“I’ll wait for you after school, is that’s ok?” Haru turned around and saw expectant green, it lifted him up.

He nodded, and longed for the moment he could leave school.

 

 

The bell rang after what felt like an eternity, finally his wish was granted. He walked out the gate and looked for the familiar silhouette waiting for him a block away.

Spartan hadn’t seen him yet, so he allowed his lips to curve upwards just a little bit. He was thinking how nice it was to look at the other boy without worrying he was looking back, when he was startled by his phone going off with an obnoxious tune.

“What the...” He then remembered who chose that ringtone. _Oh no._  He got his phone from his pocket and sure enough, the words Nagi-chan with a bunch of hearts next to it appeared on his screen.

He gulped. Spartan had just seen him and was waving at him. He took the phone to his ear.

“Nagisa”

“HARU-CHAAAAAAAAAAAN! I’ve missed you so much why don’t you answer my texts, why? Why are you evil Haru-chan!?” a fake hurt voice assaulted his hearing.  

“Sorry”

“ah, it’s alright, but you know what’s not alright Haru-chan?” Spartan was walking towards him with a confused look on his face. He couldn’t blame him, it was probably the first time he saw Haru answering a call, or getting one for that matter.

“Hmm?”

“Getting a dog and not telling me about it!! So don’t jump into the pool today, I’m heading to your home to meet that little doggie! SEE YOU SOON HARU-CHAN! Bah-bye!” And just like that, Nagisa hanged up.

_Oh crap._

Spartan finally reached him.

“Haru, you look very pale, are you alright?” Why, why hadn’t he realized there was no way Nagisa’s sister was going to keep quiet? How could he have been that stupid? He had to at least talk with Nagisa first, explain everything, but it was too late now. Nagisa was on his way. Nagisa and Spartan were going to meet...

That could only end in disaster.

“No, I’m not”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it became a bit angsty again, but I had to set things up. Next chapter Nagisa will show up, so that should be entertaining!


End file.
